Welcome to the first installment of Ross’ Retro Review. We start out looking at the big two, WWF and WCW going head to head right at the boiling point of their infamous Monday Night War. The year is 1996, and we dive right into the wrestling action with New Year’s Day Shows on both the USA Network and TNT.
WWF Monday Night RAW – 1.1.96
-It’s the “RAW Bowl!” Whatever the fuck that is.
-Apparently there are four teams of two, battling it out for some kind of trophy.
-The debut of the Huckster, Nacho Man, Scheme Gene, and Billionaire Ted!
-The Smoking Gunns (they’re alive!) come out with stupid looking RAW Bowl football jerseys. Owen Hart and Yokozuna follow, with the same ridiculous attire.
-Razor and Savio make their way to the ring, also in some ridiculous jerseys…and Goldust’s usher brings Razor a box of flowers. Razor didn’t appreciate that too much. Goldust at the entrance blowing kisses.
-OK, the football puns are REALLY getting old already.
-The 1-2-3 Kid and Sid are the fourth and final team.
-Oh my god, the rules are ridiculous. Teams each get a TIMEOUT. Team is eliminated in the normal ways, and anyone can tag anyone at any time. They even have a ridiculous end zone painted in the ring, and Earl Hebner’s wearing NFL referee gear.
-Owen tags in Billy Gunn…to face Bart. One of the rules is physical contact has to be made…Billy hip tosses Bart, and they both run and tag in Owen and Yoko.
-OH MY GOD THE ENTIRE MATCH IS ONE BIG FOOTBALL PUN
-Kid calls timeout as Razor gets in the ring. Razor ignores it and hits the Razor’s Edge. DiBiase distracts Hebner, and Razor gets clobbered by Sid and pinned by the Kid.
– Yokozuna went to give the Banzai Drop to Billy Gunn, and Bart switched out Billy with Owen. LOL…Sid/Kid against the Gunns.
-All of the ridiculous football puns aside, this isn’t the worst idea for a match in the world. The timeout feature does add some intriguing ideas. Has there ever been another RAW Bowl match?
-Razor interferes and shoves Kid off the top rope, and the Smoking Gunns win the first ever RAW Bowl.
-Dok Hendrix makes more horrible football puns while running down what little is known about the Royal Rumble thus far, all of which I’ve already stated.
-They replay the Hog Pen match for some stupid reason.
-Shawn Michaels with a press conference next week on RAW.
-Diesel SQUASHES Mabel…bell rings, Diesel hits him with an elbow, sends him into the ropes, hits the big boot and pins him.
-And Vince McMahon announces that VADER will debut at the 1996 WWF Royal Rumble. IT’S VADER TIME! Love me some Vader.
-Why the hell are they showing the Bret/Bulldog match next week?
-“Billionaire Ted’s Wrasslin’ War Room”. Ironic that the first video they show is from Razor Ramon, and the third one is Diesel.
WCW Monday Nitro – 1.1.96
-Ric Flair defending the WCW Title tonight against Hulk Hogan.
-Savage against Arn Anderson to start the night off.
-Bischoff gives away the results to some bowl games, and then says “Smoking Gunns won the Toilet Bowl.”
-Savage gets the win…Horsemen swarm the ring but Savage escapes the beatdown.
-Lord Steven Regal squares off against Chris Benoit. Regal gets the win after a missed top rope move from Benoit.
-Okerlund gets Pillman and Benoit in the ring, and Pillman bitches Benoit out for losing. Sullivan and stupid Zodiac come out after Benoit, but Giant drags them to the back.
-Luger and Sting face some jobbers, and Pitbull Pittman asks Mongo to manage him…loser.
-Some pointless interview between Giant and Okerlund. I honestly nodded off during this.
-Hogan v. Flair for the WCW Title.
-Hogan hits the legdrop, then goes to the ring to apron to take out the newly arrived Jimmy Hart. Anderson hits the ring and clocks Hogan with knucks behind the referee’s back, but Hogan springs to his feet and grabs the knucks. Stupidly, he shows the referee, who then disqualifies Flair. The DOD hit the ring, and Hogan goes into superhuman mode and takes everyone out.
-We come back, and Okerlund’s in the ring…WCW REALLY overuses Okerlund. Savage and Hogan there, and Hogan lays the challenge down for Hogan/Savage vs. Flair/Anderson. He does another “fee fi fo fum” crap and just more of the same old shit.
