It’s time for HERE COMES THE PAIN – Cheap-Heat’s Official Smackdown Countdown! My name is Mark Adam Haggerty, and I’m back in the house—on my birthday, by the way—with this week’s Top Five Moments of Smackdown.
5. Charlotte vs. Jimmy Snuka Jr.
Tonight is the battle of the “Second Generation Fuck-Ups.” Let’s hope for their sake however that Charlotte doesn’t develop a serious drinking problem, and that Tamina doesn’t kill anyone over the next 32-years. Charlotte wins because why the hell wouldn’t she win? She’s the number one contender to Nikki Bella’s championship, she’s Ric Flair’s daughter, and Tamina Snuka is shittier than Eva Marie.
4. Sheamus vs. Cesaro
The best in-ring action on tonight’s card went down between Sheamus and Cesaro as their technical brawl helped bridge the gap between the first and second hours of Smackdown. People are oftentimes sour of Sheamus, but it’s tough to hate a guy when he’s consistently delivering consummate performances. Sheamus gets the win at the end of a hard-fought battle.
3. The Dudley Boyz vs. Prime Time Players
I thought everyone looked fantastic in this match, especially the New Day who provided the comic relief at ringside. The Dudleyz get the win over the ‘Players in a highly competitive match, but are unable to use any tables due to the New Day’s “Save the Tables” initiative. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire segment from start to finish; any excuse for Big E to dance is an excuse for me to get up and join in.
2. The Ascension Join Stardust
Tonight Stardust introduced his HENCHMEN. That’s right. Stardust has HENCHMEN NOW! Henchmen. Like how James Bond villains have Henchmen. Now, all jokes and hyperbole aside—I think the WWE made an outstanding choice with this casting decision. Stardust’s lackeys are none other than THE ASCENSION!
1. The New Day vs. The Shield
This was a great match until the final moments, but the run-in by Xavier made for some fun post-match moments featuring a two-man powerbomb. After the bout concluded, Bray Wyatt appeared on screen, and closed the show in a truly ominous fashion.
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