Ladies and Gentlemen good evening! You’ve seen that seeing is believing—remember that? The Saliva joint that adorned Wrestlemania 23? One of my favorites, without a doubt. What’s crack-a-lacking today? It’s your boy Mark Adam Haggerty, coming to you from the EAST COAST for the first time uh—EVER! Granted I lived here for the first 23 years old my life, but since starting with Cheap Heat and Daily Wrestling News, I’ve been a West Coast Kid. I’m in New Jersey, to be specific—staying in my parents’ house—and had the chance to watch Monday Night Raw with a high school buddy. He helped me decide on the top five moments of this week’s episode of Raw, so without further ado, let’s kick this bitch into top gear!
5. Dolph Ziggler versus Adam Rose
Believe it or not, I was pretty happy with the interaction between Dolph Ziggler and Adam Rose this week. I’ve never been a huge fan of either individual, but really enjoy the darker edge Adam Rose seems to be walking along in recent memory. My friend asked me: “Wait—did they mix Adam Rose up with Fandango? Why is Rosa Mendez out there?” For those who might not remember, Rosa Mendez officially joined up with Adam Rose in favor of Fandango several weeks (months?) ago, when Fandango turned heel. Adam Rose’s mustache was on point tonight, as was his promo about “true love.” When he kissed Rosa, there was an absolutely disgusting trail of spit leading from Rosa’s mouth to Adam’s. True love at its finest! Now, the match was what it was—but I can’t fault either man for his work ethic between the ropes. I might not like Dolph Ziggler, but he’s a hell of a hand, and Adam Rose seems to finally be coming into his own as part of the main roster. Dolph inevitably gets the victory over the perpetual party animal, and then convinces Lana to take her hair down. I guess that solidifies her turn from the dark side? A skippable match, but when hard pressed to name five moments, I’m inclined to include this segment.
4. Brock Lesnar’s Apology
Brock Lesnar returned to WWE last week and when he did, Michael Cole’s reaction was uh, non existent? He dropped a classic—or VINTAGE—Michael Cole: “Oh My,” but didn’t make mention of the fact that Brock F5’d him into a lawsuit the night after Wrestlemania. I had a sour taste in my mouth about Brock’s acclimation to the main roster following a 3 month sabbatical, as nothing was mentioned about the Michael Cole situation. That changed this week, probably after assholes like me tweeted Cole about it, when Brock Lesnar was forced to come out and apologize to the announce team. It was obviously against his will, but it gave me closure on a subject that’s been irking me to no end over the past several weeks.
3. Kofi Kingston versus Adrian Neville
I had to start Raw a little late, and then went back through my DVR to catch up on the rest of the show. I thought this was probably the best match of the night, involving two breakout superstars in singles action, but that’s not to say the New Day weren’t entirely entertaining at ringside. At one point Xavier Woods acquired a camera from the nearby photographer and took a series of action shots featuring Kofi’s dominance over Adrian. As we were watching, my buddy goes: “He’s going to miss that Red Arrow one of these days.” Well, it wasn’t today! The referee ended up ejecting the New Day from ringside, allowing Adrian the chance to hit the Red Arrow for the victory. Adrian Neville is on fire and I just hope he saunters down Seth Rollins Street instead of Evan Bourne Boulevard.
2. Seth Rollins Gets the Band Back Together
Seth Rollins is set to wrestle Brock Lesnar at Battleground in just about one month, and it’s clear that the current world champion is beginning to worry about the “Beast.” He approached Triple H and Stephanie, requesting the help of the Authority, but Triple H needed more than pure groveling. He told Seth that if he wants to get the support of his former “family,” then he’d need to say the three little words they’re all waiting to hear: “I am sorry.” Seth appealed to Kane, Joey Mercury, and Jamie Noble, but they opted NOT be befriend their former ally. That’s when Brock appeared. The Authority left Seth alone in the ring with Brock—but only for a moment. Kane hit the ring and yanked Brock off the apron; J and J Security sprang into action and put the boots to the former champion, but it wasn’t enough to keep Brock from reaching Seth Rollins. He made it back into the ring, but Kane and J and J returned. Kane chokeslammed Brock and Seth delivered what might have been the WORST pedigree in the history of wrestling. When the dust settled, Brock was no longer located in Suplex City, but on his back. The champion stood above the former champion holding the belt high in the air. Can Seth Rollins beat Brock Lesnar in one on one competition, or will Brock become champion once more? We’ll find out at Battleground in July!
- 1. Kevin Owens and John Cena Speak French (And Chinese)
If Kevin Owens and John Cena are doing something together on Monday Night Raw, you better bet your bottom dollar that they’ll secure the number one spot of the night. This week Cena came out to sell rally towels and t-shirts, oh and that fly ball cap. I like that one, to be honest. The yellow stitching is pretty rad, if I do say so myself. John came out and gave a whole speech about how Kevin Owens beat him, but the war is far from over. That’s when the current NXT champion made an appearance. He told John that since the United States title means to much to him—he wants it. Kevin Owens wants the United States Championship because it’s important to John Cena, and for no other reason. He then went on to tell the fans that he’d do something to ensure the fans would boo him and cheer Cena. He proceeded to give the rest of his promo in his native French-Canadian tongue. The fans booed, of course, because who doesn’t hate the French? But Cena wasn’t beat for that bullshit; John came back with a little French of his own, and then went on to break it down for Kevin Owens in CHINESE! When all was said and done, John Cena told Kevin Owens that if he wants some, to come get some—in what he referred to as “Good old Indianapolis Americana.” Which for the record, is known to the rest of the world as ENGLISH. Very powerful, and exceptionally fresh with Kevin Owens using his knowledge of another language to earn heat from a number of fans that’d otherwise cheer him.
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