Hey yo. We are back again with another weekly look at the infamous TV Wars. This edition of Ross’ Retro Review takes a look at the second week of 1996, and pick up ECW’s weekly TV show as well. Enjoy the rundown.
WWF Monday Night RAW – 1.8.96
-They tease announcements from Billionaire Ted and Shawn Michaels, as well as this stupid shit where they’re playing matches from IYH.
-Jeff Jarrett opens up RAW against Hakushi. Why the hell did Jarrett wear those stupid fucking straps as part of his ring attire?
-Jim Ross taking over hyping the Rumble for Hendrix. Thank god.
-Doug Gilbert from the USWA has entered the Royal Rumble. Who?
-AHMED beats a jobber. Jarrett comes over and tries to hit AHMED with a guitar, but misses and leaves…and the dumbass left his guitar behind. AHMED breaks it across the ring pole.
-Brother Love brings Ted DiBiase to the ring. DiBiase brings out the new Million Dollar Champion…The Ringmaster, Steve Austin. And so it begins.
-DiBiase puts the Million Dollar Championship belt on Austin. I’m surprised Austin vanished from ECW without so much as a mention. Austin takes the microphone, and cuts a pretty crappy interview, saying “man” every other word. Did he leave his promo skills in ECW?
-Also, Austin looks RIPPED.
-Goldust beats a jobber. Oh wait, that’s Aldo Montoya. Same thing.
-Shawn Michaels announces at his press conference that he’ll be competing in the Royal Rumble. OH MY GOD I’M SO SHOCKED
-Scheme Gene interrupts Jim Ross to say he has a huge name on the Royal Rumble…he has a HUGE name for the Royal Rumble…but only if you call his hotline!
-Bret/Bulldog replay from IYH. So stupid.
-OK, THIS is ironic. Nacho Man: “What if we have all our superstars take a drug test for steroids?” Huckster: “You don’t have to worry about that brother, because we’re not in the WWF anymore.” ….really Vince? Really?
WCW Monday Nitro – 1.8.96
-Apparently it’s necessary for us to see Mongo’s little fucking rat every episode.
-Chris Benoit opens up Nitro against Alex Wright.
-Benoit gets the win with a dragon suplex.
-Lord Steven Regal (WITH JEEVES! hahaha) comes to the ring to face Eddie Guerrero.
-Eddie gets a surprise rollup victory out of nowhere. I like how they’re building up Eddie…he should hit his “ceiling” soon. Ugh.
-Wow. Okerlund interviewing Sting and Luger, and he seriously just took a shot at the WWF adding “two guys who, let’s say this, are close to collecting Social Security.” Vader and Austin? Really?
-Anyway, Luger and Sting are having another one of their stupid little spats. Sting yelling about Luger holding Sting back from beating the ten count at Starrcade. Luger says he reached out to have Sting help him up. Sting and Luger agree to form a tag team, and Okerlund says they’ll be teaming up against the Blue Bloods at Clash of the Champions XXXII.
-DDP comes out to face Sting. When does he go away from this awful music to the awful Nirvana ripoff?
-Sting botches a leapfrog, big time, and catches his crotch right across DDP’s hand. Landed awkwardly, but I’m guessing he’s okay.
-Scorpion Death Lock, and Sting wins.
-COTC XXXII starts at 8:05 EST on 1/23. Not sure if I asked this before, but why did shit on TBS always start at 5 after the hour?
-Ric Flair and Arn Anderson head to the ring to square off against Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage.
-Hogan actually picks up the pin on Anderson about three seconds BEFORE the interference arrives! Giant/Zodiac/Sullivan come down. Giant takes out Hogan and Savage, Pillman and Benoit come down to fight Sullivan and Zodiac for a few before leaving, and that’s that. Lame.
ECW – 1.9.96
-ECW opens with a recap of Beulah’s debut in ECW, and subsequent happenings since then…of course leading up to Beulah announcing she’s preggers with Dreamer’s kid.
-A bunch of highlights from House Party 96.
-Interview clips at the end of the show…nothing important, but one of them is 911 chokeslamming the camera man…who never lets go of the camera. And then Stevie Richards gets interrupted by Shane Douglas…who corrects his grammar.
