I And I’m Like… (Reviewing WrestleMania 32)

I don’t have time to say anything. I am 15 minutes behind because the wife was showering and I had to take care of the baby. I missed the opening video and introduction, the National Anthem, the entrances to the ladder match, AND the face-off between Owens and Zayn.

Intercontinental Championship Match

Kevin Owens (c) vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz

• So I got settled in with Zayn flipping through the ladder over the top rope and doing a diving corner tornado DDT.
• Sin Cara was climbing the ladder and Sami threw him on everyone.
• Stardust has some polkadots in honor of his father Dusty Rhodes.
• I feel real stressed out right now with everything going on and me feeling like I just dove into the match.
• I don’t think I missed any point of story in the match. We are to the point where people are doing their finishers… UGH!
• I feel like I woke up late for Christmas or something.
• Stardust took out his own special ladder with polk dots. The crowd erupts in Dusty Chants. Stardust starts spinning around in a circle with the ladder on his head and knocked most of the field out. Stardust got rocked with a Skull Crushing Finale. Owens then threw the ladder over the top rope.
• Once Owens had a chance to climb to the top, Zayn was there to stop him. Owens did a frog splash onto Sami Zayn who was on the ladder.
• I am watching this on the television so I won’t be able to get screengrabs. I will do my best to describe everything!
• Ziggler hit a big move on Ryder but the facebuster wasn’t his normal version and Ziggler landed right on his knee. Either that or he is selling it so he can slowly and realistically climb the ladder.
• Owens catches Dolph for a Pop Up Powerbomb. Stardust took Owens out and then Sin Cara lays Stardust on a bridged ladder.
• Cara is climbing the ladder and Zayn shows up to stop him. Zayn looks good for coming out of the war he was just in.
• Owens tips the ladder over and Sin Cara jumps on Stardust and they go right through the ladder.
• Kevin and Sami have a battle at the top of the ladder. Both men with their hands near the title. They are punching each other hard but neither man is backing down. Sami is able to bounce Owens head of the ladder. Kevin Owens tries his hand in a gouging match and gouges Zayn’s eye.
• Zayn hits a reverse exploder on Owens onto the ladder. Owens landed on his neck and all the referee’s ran over to him.
• Sami was so so so close to the belt and Miz stopped Sami to a chorus of boo’s.
• Miz climbs to the top of the ladder. Looks around and notices he is by himself, he takes his time to grab the title.
• Only for Ryder to toss him down and climb the ladder. Then Ryder grabbed the belt? Ryder grabbed the belt!
• Ryder and his dad hug as the crowd is shocked and cheering.

And I’m Like… If I would have started this when Mania started, would that have ended the same? I feel like this is a fever dream where neither Owens and Zayn won. There wasn’t really a story going into the match for Ryder. He was thrown in because Neville was injured, now he wins? Where do we go from here? Do people still care about Ryder? So many questions.

Chris Jericho vs. AJ Styles

The video package shows AJ winning his Raw debut over Jericho. Jericho tells AJ that he belongs here in WWE. Jericho notices the crowds reception to AJ and they teamed up. We then see Jericho watching Raw Replays on his computer. He turns on AJ because all the crowd did was chant for AJ Styles and not Y2J. Jericho says we chose AJ over him so he is taking AJ down like a scorned lover. The story is really Jericho vs. The fans and since the fans cheer AJ, Jericho goes after him. Then AJ stands up for himself chanting “y2Jackass”. After a few wins they traded, we get this match too. AJ is gonna show Jericho why they chant Styles name over Chris’

• Jericho comes out with massive pyro. It’s hard to gauge crowd reaction because of the sheer numbers of the crowd. Everyone is cheering and boo’ing at the same time.
• Jericho does have a killer jacket though. The light pattern is more different than ever before.
• AJ comes out and looks amazed. You can tell he is overwhelmed by the crowd size. He quickly goes back to normal. I bet he is glad he signed with WWE.
• Michael Cole puts over Kelsey Grammer doing the voiceover for the opening video.. I am kinda disappointed I missed it. Those are usually one of my favorite parts. I remember the one with Fred Blassie looking at an empty ring, first video package to give me goosebumps.
• The match starts and Jericho got some moves in, but AJ got the better of him with a hurricanrana and tossing Chris to the outside.
• Jericho does his little tantrum thing by taking Eden’s chair and throwing it.
• AJ chases Jericho and they trade arm drags like this is WM3 Steamboat/Savage.
• Both men start hopping over the top rope on the apron and trade places a few times. Jericho goes for his triangle dropkick but AJ is able to counter and hit one of his own.
• Any time that AJ seems to have the match in hand Jericho gets the better of him. Then AJ is able to fight back and hit another big move, rinse and repeat.
• Jericho’s taunting to the crowd too much, and that unfocused behavior is what leads to AJ’s comebacks.
• Jericho was sick and tired of dealing with AJ’s speed so he put Styles in a dragon sleeper. The pace slows down and the crowd quietly watches the match.
• Jericho blocks a kick to his head and turns that counter into a Walls of Jericho, that only works for so long before Styles gets to the ropes.
• AJ gets a nearfall with that springboard flip reverse DDT.
• Styles had Jericho on the top rope and was climbing up there with him, he set up a suplex attempt but then Jericho fights out of it and screams at AJ “you stupid idiot” AJ is able to grab Jericho and hit a top rope gourdbuster.
• Jericho fights back once again and puts the Walls on AJ, who can’t get to the ropes so he rolls inward and is able to somehow turn that into a Calf Crusher!
• This match is now telling us that no matter what happens AJ gets the better of Jericho at every turn. No matter the ring positioning or what is happening AJ is getting the better of Jericho. AJ reverses a Jericho dropkick into a Styles Clash attempt, Jericho is able to fight out and that brings AJ to the apron, AJ goes for a phenomenal forearm but Jericho runs under him, AJ runs at Jericho who hits the Codebreaker.
• Jericho is a little dazed and takes a few seconds to pin AJ, because of that AJ is able to kick out.
• Jericho is shocked, Cole explains the situation, Jericho is able to set up AJ in the Styles Clash. Because the Clash is AJ’s finish he knows how to get out of it, AJ reverses it into a sitout atomic slam. He pins Jericho and it’s a two count.
• There is a crazy pin attempt with a hurricanrana where AJ lands on his head, tries a bridging pin but Jericho pushes AJ off, AJ tries the bridge again, Jericho pushes Styles, Styles then sets up for the Styles Clash and hits it!!!! For two!!! This match has so many great wrestling sequences it’s so hard to digest it all. This match builds and builds and everyone is invested now.
• Yay/Boo spot and Jericho wins the battle. Chris goes for the Lionsault and like always Jericho lands on some knees. AJ sees that Jericho is out so AJ goes and does a sprngboard top rope 450 splash!!! For two!!!
• Styles starts screaming and looks like he is going crazy, he doesn’t know what to do… He goes onto the apron and yells at Y2J to stand up.. Jericho is slowly rising ans AJ’s eyes widen, the crowd cheers, Jericho pushes the ref out of the way and AJ jumps….CODEBREAKER! For THREE!!

And I’m Like… All my predictions are out the window. That match was fantastic, in the beginning I was mentally doubting Jericho’s abilities at this age. Why, am I wrong all the time!?!? I don’t know what is next with these two, I hope it continues kinda, Extreme Rules needs some matches.

Maria Menounos interviews Ryder. Zack Ryder talks about all he wanted was to hear his theme song at WrestleMania. He ended up winning and said it was his greatest moment of career and life. He can retire tonight and be a happy man. He is gonna go find Razor Ramon because Zack held Razor’s IC title at WM10 and Razor needs to hold Zack’s IC title. He said he lived his dream, he did it.

New Day vs. League of Nations

• New Day comes out of a GIANT BOOTY-O’s box of cereal, the cereal is huge. New Day come out like toys from the cereal box. I believe they are wearing some reference to something but I don’t get it. They have gold and black samurai outfits. Big E’s is white and gold though. Francesca is also black and gold.
• Barrett, Sheamus, and Rusev are wearing matching red trunks. Del Rio is wearing gold because he is not a team player.
• New Day has the longest tag title reign since Team Hell No! I don’t think the titles are on the line.. The crowd is 100% behind New Day.
• As Sheamus beats on Xavier , Cole says Sheamus once won the World Title from Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania. Cole brought up Daniel Bryan twice in this match already…
• Xavier is getting worked over and can not tag either Big E or Kofi in. Woods is trapped in the LoN corner and they are having their way with Xavier.
• I am not sure where Barrett is… Only Rusev and Del Rio are on the apron. I thought this was 4-on-3??
• Now the LoN trunks make sense. Sheamus is all red, Del Rio is all gold and Rusev is red and gold.
• Xavier is able to throw Del Rio over the top rope, Woods is slowly crawling to tag and took so long, Sheamus was still able to stop him, then randomly Xavier was able to roll out of the way, and counter Sheamus. Rusev took Big E out and Xavier is crawling towards Kofi.
• Kofi is tagged in and is jumpy jumpy punchy kicky. Kofi starts doing that Trevor Lee move .
• Kofi fights out of a Cloverleaf attempt by Sheamus but Rusev is able to kick Kofi in the head. Sheamus tries to pin but Xavier makes the save and the crowd is kinda quiet.
• Big E forced his own tag, hit belly to bellies, botched one on Rusev. Then while Barett was trying to get Sheamus and Rusev to stand all three got speared by Big E to the outside. It was a little too contrived and lost it’s momentous feel.
• Xavier and Kofi do this cool double stomp back breaker move. Sheamus kicks out and Xavier sells shock..
• Del Rio hits his Forever Double Stomp on Kofi from the apron to the outside. Xavier tries to fight Sheamus off but Wade sneaks a Bull Hammer on Xavier and Sheamus Brogue Kicks Woods for the victory… JBL says “the day the music died”

A nd I’m Like… On my predictions I am 0-3… I don’t get why these four would win.. I mean it was non-title so we should have known. Wade Barrett says no three men could go toe-to-toe with this unit. HBK comes out with his gear on?!?!? This makes no damn sense… I get why LoN won now… Mick Foley comes out in his gear… What is the point of this, I know that this is for a cheap pop and nostalgia moment but… AUSTIN comes out!

These are three Texas legends… They never teamed before, so why are they in their gear to get ready to beat up four dudes who won a match… This kind of lost it’s luster.. The nostalgia moment is cool but I wish it had better reasoning. Foley hobbles like he is wicked old by the way. HBK looks like he did the night he retired, and Austin has grown a little beer belly. There is a face-off, New Day pulls Barrett out of the ring (proving their 4-on-3 statement because now it is 6-on-3.) We see Socko and Sweet Chin Music, and Rusev takes a Stunner. Barrett gets thrown into the ring and we get a Superkick into a Mandible Claw into a Stunner.. New Day music hits and the guys who just lost are trying to get the guys who beat up their opponents to booty dance. HBK does a booty dance, Foley dances hip gyrations, and Xavier is twerking on Austin, Austin is smiling and starts two stepping and snapping  then STUNNER!!!! Xavier must be in heaven. That match was saved by the segment which if you don’t think about it makes sense.

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman

The video package is showing Ambrose calling Lesnar out, ask to get his ass kicked. He then gets his ass kicked but comes back and asks for more. Brock is feeding him punishment and Dean has a tapeworm so he can eat for a while. Lesnar accepted a street fight invitation. Lesnar keeps hitting Ambrose week after week and Ambrose just makes fun of Brock for not getting the job done and killing Ambrose.. I’m sure tonight the whole crowd will be thinking why won’t you die.

• Lesnar comes out first and looks like he has been here before. Paul is looking around with a big grin and an extra stride in his step… didn’t mean to do gum references.. extra.. stride.. juicy fruit?
• Heyman announces Lesnar.
• Ambrose comes out and DOES NOT have a wagon! I swear if that wagon isn’t at this match I will take back what I said about that wagon segment from last week…
• The match starts quickly and Brock is already suplexing the hell out of Dean.
• I think this match makes sense because Brock wants to be feared and known as the conqueror, so if someone keeps asking for more, he won’t be able to handle it. He has to destroy and be praised for destruction.
• Ambrose attacks Lesnar with a cane over and over again. Lesnar is able to fight back and takes the cane to Ambrose, the crowd battles it out with chants of “let’s go Ambrose/Suplex City”
• Brock is getting ready to use kendo stick/cane and breaks it over his knee as if to say “I don’t need weapons” he then does a german. My stream is skipping too!
• Dean has a t-shirt that is a Suplex City shirt with the Dean Ambrose DA anarchist sign spraypainted over the shirt.
• Brock is up to 8 German suplexes. Ambrose keeps going for the kendo stick and but Brock steps on the stick which crushes Dean’s hands. As the Beatles would say suplex number 9 .
• I know we still need to see the barbed wire baseball bat. I just have no idea how Dean will gain the advantage. Oh THERE IT IS! Ambrose crawls towards Lesnar who is taunting Dean with the kendo stick, Dean hits Lesnar in the nuts…
• Dean gets ready to star in Texas Chainsaw Massacre but the chainsaw wouldn’t start. Brock does an over the head belly to belly and the crowd starts a 10 chant .
• Ambrose uses a fire extinguisher and then as Brock is dazed Ambrose viciously attacks Brock with a chair.
• The story is this is a FIGHT and Brock is unstoppable… Ambrose is relentless with his weapons and Brock starts looking like he is applying the brakes. Now he is just unyieldable.
• Dean Ambrose starts throwing chairs in the ring like he was an ECW fan . Brock goes for a German and hits it but Ambrose over shoots the chairs and Lesnar landed on them.
• Ambrose reversed an F-5 with a DDT! For Two!!!
• Dean loses his shirt to cheers from females in the crowd. Then Ambrose grabs Barbie the barbed wire baseball bat… Ambrose makes out with the barbed wire and screams BATTER UP BITCH.
• Ambrose goes to use the bat but Lesnar is able to suplex Ambrose and then hit an F-5 on the chairs. for three…

And I’m Like… What’s funny is this was a weapons match.. and NXT’s Zayn/Nakamura was harder hitting. NXT’s Joe/Balor had more blood. This kind of had carnage but the story was the same thread being told over and over again. Lesnar walks away by using the fire extingusiher as celebration. He then starts limping to the back because his nuts still hurt. My daughter who is 4 months old was laughing during the whole match. Also when Flair, Ziggler and Ryder did the Snickers commercial. I kind of feel bad that NXT was first this weekend, WrestleMania had a tough job following it. The visuals are amazing though!

The WWE Hall of Fame video shows us the new Hall of Famers and some things they said. Sting retired officially… That is sad. Seth Rollins hurt Cena and ended Sting’s career in one year… Poor Sting, never got his dream match. Unless Shane wins and at 33 we get both Sting and Undertakers retirement match that probably wouldn’t be that good in comparison to the other Undertaker matches.

Snoop Dogg is wearing Sasha Banks glasses by the way. Sting comes out and looks at the crowd, he looks hyped but he looks real real sad…

WWE Woman’s Championship Match

Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

• The Diva’s Championship was retired today. The WWE Woman’s Championship is in now. FINALLY. Which means there is no champion right now, this will crown the first one. Charlotte was the last Diva’s champion and Nikki Bella was the longest reigning, that will go down in history forever. Who will be considered the first Woman’s Champion to kick off what Michael Cole called “Diva’s Rebellion” or the “Woman’s Revolution”
• Becky Lynch comes out, her steam took a bit to work and her hat came off but she has a crazy amount of energy. Lita is holding the new title and looks proud as hell.
• Then Sasha Banks music is sang and rapped by Snoop Dogg and that girl that sings on Sasha’s music. Snoop raps two verses about Banks and it gives me fucking chills!!! YeS!! Sasha… YAAAAAASSSS! She is a Boss and the crowd is reacting so loud. Thank you Sasha for having Snoop Dogg not have women all over him. Sasha comes out with Eddie Guerrero inspired gear. She deserves to be here. There is a pink confetti explosion reminiscent of The Cherry Blossoms
• Not to be outdone Charlotte comes out with a robe on that is made out of the same fabric Ric Flair wore during his retirement match. Hella pyro and a beautiful shot of Charlotte in front of the firework factory. This is intense you guys.
• Charlotte is holding up the Diva’s title… That is so earlier this morning Charlotte, keep up with the times.
• A “Woman’s wrestling” chant breaks out and Sasha almost starts crying.
• Charlotte sits back and watches Sasha and Becky try to pin each other and pretty soon everyone is pinning everyone. Sasha and Charlotte get rid of Becky and start going one-on-one. Sasha does a wrist grab run up the turnbuckle hurricanrana. That was an Eddie move!!
• Sasha is able to hit a double sunset flip on Becky and Charlotte. Becky kicks out as Charlotte rolls to the outside.  Any time a girl is in command the third wheel takes advantage. This pace is quick and non-stop. Everything has a sense of urgency.
• I am very surprised Becky didn’t dress up like a droog . I really am waiting for her to adopt an A Clockwork Orange ring attire. She has orange hair and her video deals with clocks…
• Sasha got taken out of the match for a moment by being thrown over the top rope. Becky tries to lock an arm submission in, Flair gets on the apron and the ref yells at him. Cole is on point saying it is noDQ so it doesn’t matter.
• Sasha stopped the submission but Charlotte and Becky throw Banks out of the ring again.
• Charlotte attempts the figure-8 but Charlotte’s arm gave out. It gave out just in time for Sasha to hit a GORGEOUS Frog Splash for a 2 and 7/8ths
• “Let’s Go Sasha” chants fill the arena..
• Sasha and Becky do incredible counter wrestling, it lasts for a good few minutes. Sasha is able to hit a double knee in the corner and play to the crowd.
• Sasha runs into the ropes and avoids Becky then she suicide dives onto Charlotte and hits a late flip that makes the move look so dangerous.
• Sasha has a woo off with Ric and Becky dives to the outside but hits Ric instead of Sasha to “Yes” chants.
• Charlotte sees everyone on the ground and goes up top and does a top rope moonsault to the outside. Charlotte throws both girls in the ring and does a double Natural Selection but can’t put either girl away.
• Becky’s make up is running and she looks like Clockwork Orange!!
• The commentators are talking about how amazing this era of woman’s wrestling is. I have always had a hunch that Woman’s wrestling would go this way because HHH has three daughters and he needs to create legends for his daughters to beat. Why not recreate the Flair/HHH alliance with their daughters.
• Becky gets the Disarmer on Charlotte, Sasha saves it and puts the BankStatement on Becky, Lynch rolls out of it but Sasha holds on.Charlotte puts the figure-8 on Sasha and Becky grabs Sasha’s arms and pulls her out of the move… WOW!
• “This is Wrestling” by the crowd. Charlotte tries to Flair chop both of them but the girls fight back on Charlotte.
• Once Becky and Sasha go at it Charlotte hits a spear on Sasha. Becky forces Charlotte on the top rope and these girls are FIGHTING for any type of advantage. Becky finall gets Charlotte in position, but Sasha climbs up top too. They push Becky off, but then Becky forces Sasha in the tree of woe, hits the superplex on Charlotte. Charlotte rolls to the floor to avoid the pin but Sasha is still tied up.
• Becky goes for something but Sasha reverses it and BankStatement. Charlotte throws Sasha out of the ring and Becky gets put in the Figure-8. Sasha goes to break the hold but Flair holds her back…. Charlotte won…

And I’m Like…. I am salty as hell!! That match was amazing and there is a dirty finish. IF you wanted me to not like Charlotte this is doing it. This was Sasha’s moment damn it. I was ready to cry tears of joy for Banks but now I am all angry! Not like WM28 Daniel Bryan angry, but damn.. The entire stadium lights up in crazy fireworks… CRAZY FIREWORKS!! This follows my theory of creating a legend for HHH’s daughter to beat. Charlotte will forever be on top… We will forever be wanting Sasha to win, she is our Eddie Guerrero.. That is amazing and sad at the same time.. That match turned my mood on the show so far!

Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon

This video package starts with everyone being shocked by the reaction to Shane’s return. Shane blackmails Vince into owning part of Raw. The condition is Shane has to beat Undertaker in Hell in a Cell. Vince chose Undertaker because as McMahon puts it “Undertaker is my bitch” that leads to Undertaker coming out and Pontius Pilates the situations saying the blood isn’t on his hands. Shane calls Undertaker a bitch so Taker gets angry, a few weeks later he calls Shane a bitch so Shane dives off the top rope and puts Undertaker through a table. Now we have a match, if Shane wins he controls RAW… just Raw, not the company, and Undertaker never wrestles again. Undertaker wins and nothing happens and everything stays the same.

• Shane comes out and it rains money on the crowd. Shane comes out with his sons and they show boat for the crowd. There are dollar bills all over the cell which is a cool visual. Shane gets his kids front row seats next to his mom and wife. Hopefully the kids will cry for visual effect!!
• Undertaker has flames shooting from the stage and there must be a mic by the gas because it is loud whenever the flames shoot up. Smoke and lasers and we have either The Undertaker Entrance or a Pink Floyd Concert . Undertaker is undertaking his sweet time, so I can pee!! Thanks Taker!
• haha I’m back from pee’ing and he isn’t even in the Cell yet!!!
• The bell rings and here we go. Cole said Shane’s gamplan is error, the more the Undertaker makes errors te floating and flying and stinging.
• Taker starts landing blows and Shane crumbles to the ground… I sometimes worry that this match will not live up to the expectations WrestleMania has created for Undertaker matches.
• We already got a snake eyes by Taker on to Shane. Shane does a flying elbow and shocks Taker.
• Undertaker is grabbing the steel aluminum steps! Shane sees that and tries to distance himself again. Credit to Shane for not going for weapons and trying to go toe-to-toe and blow-for-blow.
• As Undertaker goes for an apron legdrop, the stream freezes… As I type that it comes back with JBL repeating that “Shane is not going to quit” then the stream catches up and Undertaker grabs the steps like it was A Benny Hill movie
• Shane is able to put the Triangle submission on Undertaker. Taker is wheezing and I am not sure how Taker is getting out of this. Taker has snot coming out of nose and foam out of his mouth. Taker turns it into a pin and Shane kicked out with such fear of losing.
• Undertaker hits a chokeslam on the steps and that’s the match…. no I’m kidding, Shane kicked out.. Undertaker motions for a Tombstone and looks blown the hell up.
• JBL saves it with “that triangle choke took a lot out of Undertaker”
• Taker goes for an elbow on Shane who was on the steps. Shane moves and Undertaker hits right on the steps.
• Then like it was slippin time because Shane was sitting on the steps then suddenly he was off of them and Undertaker was dazed on the steps…
• Shane went to attack a grounded Undertaker but Taker put Hell’s Gate on Shane.
• Shane rolled over and reversed Hell’s Gate into the Sharpshooter and as the stream freezes again I can only imagine that this is a screw job….
• The hold was held on too long for the screw job to happen. Undertaker fights out and the crowd doesn’t react.
• As both men are fighting to their feet the crowd starts an “Undertaker/Shane O’Mac” dueling chant.
• Shane is delivering punches to Undertaker and then McMahon rolls to the outside. He goes for a weapon… a Trashcan actually. He is setting up a Coast-to-Coast
• Shane is allowed all the time in the world and is able to hit the coast-to-coast… Undertaker looks like he is dead.. He isn’t blinking and isn’t moving… Shane rolls him over and Taker kicks out at two!!!
• Shane grabs bolt cutters and is taking down a cage wall.. The crowd yes’s a bit and we get bolt cutter Benny Hill.. well we don’t get it, the stream gives it to me.. I wonder if this match would have more gravitas if it wasn’t for the stream problems…
• Shane is limping around, these two are moving like they have been to war in hell and come back to fight each other.
• Undertaker picks Shane up and runs him through the door. Shane’s head SLAMS against the announce table. “This is Awesome” from the crowd. Taker is taking apart the announce table..
• JBL is slowly losing his voice. Undertaker has cleared off the Spanish, English and German announce table. Shane is getting amble time to stand up but Undertaker is throwing monitors at him. What’s funny is the Spanish announce table had the old TV monitors and the English one had tablets.
• Undertaker sets Shane up on some barricade and Undertaker does the throat cut taunt. He sets up the tombstone and Shane reverses it into the sleeper. Undertaker is just holding it and drooling all over the floor. Undertaker decides to just jump onto a table and they both go through the table.
• The story they are trying to tell is Shane won’t die and Undertaker will keep doling out punishment. Undertaker can withstand punishment and Shane is fearless. Undertaker does what ever it takes to win and Shane does whatever it takes to survive.
• Shane took a full toolbox and hit Undertaker in the head with it. Taker falls on the table. Shane opens the toolbox and hits Taker again. Then the crowd starts getting excited.. Shane looks up at the top of the cell and the crowd roars. Shane is milking it and my heart is starting to race…. He is climbing the Cell, not Undertaker and Mankinds cell either. THE BIGGER ONE… Shane keeps climbing and the cheering goes to worried murmurs. Cole is calling it and repeating it… This is scary…. Shane looks down as the crowd chants “please don’t die”. This is one of those spots where if Shane legit ruins his life by injury it wasn’t worth it, if he makes it it is the single greatest moment of this decade maybe.
• For real my heart is beating through my heart, JBL screams Damn IT Shane STOP IT!! Shane jumps, Taker moves, Undertaker looks like he saw a ghost. Cole calls out “FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND!!!” The commentators keep telling them to check on Shane… We see replay after replay and my heart is still crazy beating. Shane stirs and the crowd ROARS!
• You ever run into a door, or fall off a bike, or fall at all? How can we act like it hurts.. like it hurts but still. SHANE DID THAT and got to consciousness and is still moving. Like, damn… Human beings are amazng… Shane is amazing.. Wrestling is amazing…
• It’s funny how a spot can save a match.. I kind of forgot about everything that happened before it.
• Undertaker tells Shane to bring it. Shane sits on the stairs. Undertaker pats Shane on the cheek and tombstones Shane. He wins.

And I’m Like… Shane must love his family… Look what he did for them. This storyline has no ending, the feud had a hastily built storyline. Undertaker wins in another memorable match. Nothing changes.. Tomorrow was promised a change in the company, but the establishment prevailed. That was a fun match, in the grand scheme it was barely a pebble in the river based on story significance. Undertaker is still kicking ass and making one of the greatest legacies of all time. I may not be the biggest fan of the Undertaker, but HE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME. Shane’s sons look so worried. Undertaker can have a match with anyone at any time. We should be honored to see this match and what two people are willing to do. That’s WWE pro wrestling. They will perform to the most extreme of the their capabilities as real people, even if the scripted story makes no sense, they will still go all out for entertainment. Not tomorrows entertainment, today’s moment. In 20 years no one will care about the story leading up to that moment. We just will remember the moment. Shane is getting stretchered out of here.. Now I am worried.. In 20 years from now, will Shane think it was worth it? That is pro wrestling… Shane is giving a thumbs up and I legit got a tear coming down my eye… Like for real that is passion, that is something that can’t be described. That man did something that most of us would never do, and he didn’t have to do it. He came back just for this event, and did that. Oh gosh I need a moment to put that match into perspective. Shane man… Thank you! Hopefully he is not injured and that was just a stretcher job to accent the story. That is pro wrestling.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Lot’s of people come out at once, then Mark Henry, Kane, DDP, and Shaq (who comes out to Panda which is a bad bad song)

• Shaq has a stare down with Big Show, Kane goes to chokeslam both of them. They chokeslam Kane back. Fandango does a New Day hip gyration and then every guy goes in one at a time and faces both big men. Big Show and Shaq have a stare down again and do the choking thing again.. This is gonna get Shaq into the Hall of Fame…
• All the other people sneak in and try to throw both over the top rope. The whole field tossed the two biggest guys out.
• My wife asked me if Baron Corbin always will have a sad stomach. I asked what she meant by that and she said “his stomach always looks like it’s sad, like it’s so saggy it’s a person frowning” I didn’t know how to respond, at the same time I don’t disagree.
• Tatanka is in the ring and he didn’t even get an entrance!! The commentators didn’t notice until Byron pointed it out.
• DDP hit a few Diamond Cutters then got beat up while he was showboating.
• There is a giant picture of Andre on one of the screens that when in certain camera angles looks like  Andre is watching the match from up above.
• Tatanka was trying to eliminate Adam Rose but Baron Corbin heard that Tatanka as still wrestling on the indies and decided to throw him out.
• Swagger got thrown out too. Curtis Axel is wearing cargo pants and normal boots… Which means he lost his gear? He didn’t choose that gear I think because they are like actual pants.. John Cena style..
• The Social Outcasts are now working together and eliminate people. Mid-match they do the Bo train. and Bo leads everyone into Baron Corbin and Kane. Curtis Axel and Adam Rose are eliminated. Slater jumps into Henry’s arms and is throwin over the top rope.
• Henry lifts Breeze over the top of his head and Tyler is gone. After every elimination the crowd boo’s. Baron Corbin throws Kane over and Baron wins the Battle Royal…

And I’m Like… That’s a way to arrive on the scene. The whole arena chants NXT at Baron. That is pretty cool. That was a fun match to cool us down in between the main events. I can’t believe Sandow hasn’t been on TV in maybe half a year, he still got the biggest reaction of the match.

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders come out to ACDC’s Thunderstruck inA something that confuses me… I don’t get that at all. They do a kick line too…. cool? Then The Rock comes out… makes sense.

He looks sweaty as hell and points to his arm to let us know he has goosebumps. He tells us to wait one minute? Ugh, why is he so sweaty? Was he doing a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader routine in the back with them? Then he brings out a T-Shirt gun? Nope its a flame thrower. The stage hands quick put something up that says Rock. Wow..?

Rock sees his name and looks at us, he decides to light his name on fire….? As his name is on fire he holds his gun up again then walks to the ring without it. He shows his bicep to one of the cheerleaders and I realized something… The Rock is America. He is flamethrowers and cheerleaders for no reason. He isn’t America, he is the idea of America. Success through hardwork and then ridiculously loved and ridiculous actions. Like why would the Rock have a flamethrower and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders? Because he needed an entrance.. I shoulda pee’d during this.

Matter of fact, I am going out for a cigarette.. I will probably miss some crowd blowing and catchphrases.

Ok .. I am back.. The crowd is like 101,000 and it broke a record. I came back in as the Wyatt’s interrupted the Rock. Erick Rowan has a new mask with horns. Wyatt says he chose The Rock because he is success, The Great One, The People’s Champion. Wyatt calls him a liar. He is wearing a butcher smock and says this isn’t The Rock’s moment or the fans moment. Bray calls him Mr. Rock. lol

Bray says he will eviscerate the Rock and make us watch. I get to watch Bray, you don’t have to make me. Rock talks about how WrestleMania Rock and Rockettes babies are getting made tonight. Rock starts belittling Bray Wyatt. UGH!! Rock says Wyatt sounds like he has been hitting the bong… I am glad I missed a few minutes of this. I just want to see the last match or The Wyatts kick ass. Now Rock turns it around and puts Bray over, says he has the ability and charisma. The crowd starts cheering loudly for that. He keeps building Rock up, and the crowd keeps clapping, then the other foot drops. Rock says “you say your the eater of worlds, where The Rock is standing you are the eater of hot pockets” Bray said he came to kick the door down. Wyatt says “you have no idea who you are fooling with friend.” Rock takes his shirt off and the females cheer. Rock told Bray he wants a referee because we are gonna have a match. He called Wyatt’s inbred Duck Dynasty bitches.

The Rock vs. Bray Wyatt Erick Rowan

• That is cool.. Erick Rowan gets a singles match at WrestleMania… Rowan got Rock Bottomed… The Rock won in six seconds…
• The Rock set another Record…

And I’m Like… eye roll emoji.

The Wyatt’s surround the Rock and Cena comes out… The Crowd “John Cena sucks” Rock acts like he is coked up and ready to go. Cena looks laid back and his neck looks way skinny. Cena and Rock beat on Braun Strowman and do their respective knuckle shuffles and people’s elbows. I am getting Wrestlemania 8 flashbacks with Warrior and Hogan.

And I’m Like… yup.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Triple H (c) vs. Roman Reigns

The video package starts with Roman saying quotes straight out of a self help book. He talks about how you can achieve your dreams ,what ever they are. Also that he never took a hand out. We see shots of crowd signs saying “‘They’ don’t want you to win” Then we see HHH throwing Roman over the top rope at Rumble to become champion. HHH says he is the man around here and The Authority always wins. This video package really makes it seem like HHH is gonna lose.

• Triple H’s entrance is all skulls and guys in skulls holding titles. Steph is dressed like she wants to turn back time .
• HHH comes out and he isn’t in any gear like his old entrances. He is flanked by Stephanie McMahon and a bunch of skulled individuals. When HHH’s music ends he looks at Steph and mouths “I love you” then they kiss then Roman’s music plays.
• Roman’s music is loud but the boo’s are louder. Roman punches the large video screen and it turns into the words Roman Empire. There are fireworks, like the ones Charlotte got when she won. That makes me lean on HHH winning, because why waste all those fireworks.
• Roman is getting boo’d hard… this is very interesting.
• Reigns got thrown over the top rope by HHH and the crowd cheers. Roman gets back in the ring and we hear “Roman Sucks”
• This match is legit, every move HHH does the crowd cheers, any move Roman does the crowd boo’s.
• HHH took his time to show that he punched Roman in his reconstructed nose. Roman is gaining momentum and the boo’s get louder.
• As the two brawl outside we see a Raw Replay of HHH pounding Roman’s head into the announce table and throwing Roman over the top of the table.
• They get back in the ring after HHH hit a swinging neckbreaker off the table and onto the floor. HHH does some top and middle rope attacks and Roman is able to fight back with forearms and Samoan Drops.
• HHH was able to take Roman to the outside and threw him over the announce table.. As HHH was walking away Roman chased after and speared Triple H through a barricade. Stephanie is telling the referee that they are both out of the ring so he should count. Steph knows the title only changes on pin or submission so Roman has to carry HHH into the ring. After he brought HHH in the ring he laid down. HHH was stirring, and Roman has like a hernia problem or something.
• Steph is talking shit to Roman as the crowd chants “Nakamura”
• HHH is going for a reverse armbar and starts doing joint manipulation. Reigns can’t fight out of it and HHH looks like he is gonna break Romans arm.. It is kind of disturbing looking. Roman is fighting out of it as the crowd boo’s.
• Roman is able to get to his feet but HHH will not let go as his wife yells “BREAK HIS ARM!!”
• Roman is able to fight out of it and HHH locks in the pedigree a bit later. Roman backdrops HHH over the top rope as the crowd chants “Ole”
• We get a Sami Zayn and a Nakamura chant, the best match from Friday was “Zayn vs. Nakamura” I wonder if that was the best match for the weekend.
• One of the bigger pops of the night was Roman spearing Stephanie. HHH hit a pedigree and Roman kicked out… The crowd cheers at first but it sustains a bit before turning to boo’s.
• I hear a Bayley chant now the one that goes “I knooow you wanna be my girl”
• Reigns hits a Superman punch and starts doing that weird head shaking thing where he builds to his Spear. HHH hit a jumping knee! For Two!
• I sense tomorrow’s Raw will get  many-a -NXT chants.
• Stephanie grabs the sledgehammer and gives it to HHH. Rumor was that this was NoDQ, now we no it is DQ.
• HHH attempts the Sledgehammer and we get some more boo’s.
• HHH hits a Spear and wins …. Te crowd cheers but there is more boo’s than anything…
• Well now it is more cheers. Cole says ” The Renaissance of The Roman Empire”…

And I’m Like… For those of you that are happy Roman is champion, good for you, and congrats on your guy winning. I am not too pleased with the result. There is a graphic letting us know Roman will be on The Today show as champion… This has to be a send half the crowd home happy, half the crowd is upset. I am afraid for Roman at Raw tomorrow night.

Overall there were memories. It’s been said that Mania is for the casual fans and kids, SummerSlam is for the hardcore fans. That may be true. I am not sure where this Mania ranks with other Mania’s. I know that I am not going to be thinking or talking about it with much excitement tomorrow. Am I glad to have witnessed it ? Yes! The Shane vs. Undertaker had the most memorable moment. I think the Woman’s match was the best match of the night but was hindered by the finish. Well that is another one in the books. Now we look onward to Wrestlemania 33 in Orlando.

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Have a good one, Happy WrestleMania

-Jake