And I’m Like… (Reviewing Raw November 23rd 2015)

11:20 pm November 24, 2015

I’m gonna try and shorten it up this week, the wife might be going in to give birth to the daughter tonight or in the next day or two. The signs are there just the waiting now. I fell asleep when I got home from work too. So I’m a little late to the posting party.

It’s hard to surf the internet Tuesdays. There are a good number of wrestling sites I visit, and when I haven’t watched Raw yet, I can’t go on them cause SPOILERS! I even had to yell at my regular for saying something about Sheamus and Notre Dame

Raw Opening

A video package of Roman Reigns WWE Championship tournament victory.
They show Reigns spearing HHH for not much of a reason. Sheamus Brogue Kicked his way to win the WWE Championship for the 4th time. He is legit ONE away from tying Bret Hart for title reigns.

The Authority Promo

Steph kinda jaunts her way to the ring with a smile on her face. HHH looks to be in high spirits myself.
As I see a Roman Reigns sign in the crowd with his Double R symbol, I wonder how many kids draw that logo on their homework. I used to draw The Hurricane Logo . That gimmick was ahead of it’s time in the sense that Superheroes are America’s jam right now.
Steph talks about how people sometimes let opportunity pass them by. It’s weird in retrospect of one’s own life, to see where the opportunities were. For Roman he can pinpoint his moment, sometimes YOU CAN’T pinpoint it, but you know it happened.
HHH says the cheapshot Reigns gave him is the reason he is no longer champion. Says we should learn “your lives are defined by opportunities, the ones you seize and the ones you miss” I’m really into the parent promo’s HHH gives. He explains why the term “Sell Out” was created. He tells us to seize opportunities cause that defines our lives.

Sheamus Comes Out

I miss it when the champions come out in suits if they are bad guys. Sheamus comes out in his wrestling gear and t-shirt.
Sheamus is thanking the crowd and thanks HHH for the wonderful introduction. He looks on cloud nine. The crowd tries “you look stupid” Sheamus says “nothing you can do can rain on my parade.”
Sheamus says that The Roman Empire ended in 500 years, this Roman Empire ended in 5 minutes and 15 seconds.
He says Roman getting his dream taken from him made Roman look pathetic.
Sheamus raises the title and asked the crowd “WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW!” Sheamus also doesn’t have logo’s on the WWE Title.
Sheamus hugs The Authority

Roman Reigns Comes Out

Roman asks for his rematch tonight. The crowd yes’s and Stephanie says “your opportunity to make demands with us was lost last night when you speared my husband” he told Roman to back up and get the hell out of her ring!
Roman asks if HHH is standing behind Steph because he is scared of Roman.
HHH steps up as Stephanie steps to the side. They work so well together, they support each person’s decision and show each other so much respect. Perfect parent characters.
HHH says “you will get your rematch when I say you get your rematch, and it sure as hell won’t be tonight.”
As The Authority was backing out of the ring, Rusev kicked Roman Reigns in the face, as Reigns staggered to his feet Sheamus Brogue kicked Roman Reigns.
Rusev and Sheamus shake hands. You add Barrett to this and we have quite a little stable all of a sudden.

And I’m Like… “That prides a bitch” says HHH as he sets up the rematch as a TLC match. Meaning interference is inevitable. This is turning out to be quite an entertaining storyline. Roman Reigns has a few hard hitting contenders to get through before he gets his dirty mitts on Sheamus.

The Dudley Boyz vs. The Wyatt Family

We get a backstage promo that Wyatt says The Dudleyz will pay for the sins of the Brothers of Destruction. Bray says The Dudleyz insides will be shown tonight after they are broken.
“We Want Tables” because they don’t really want tables, they just do ‘The Dudley Boyz’ chant. It’s so habitual at this point.
Bubba Ray and Luke Harper start off with some HARD hitting strikes. They are making this look like a fight!
Luke gets rocked and rolled, Dudleyz call for a 3D and Bray brings Luke to the outside to recuperate.
We come back with The Wyatts in command. The sheep are standing on the outside watching the match. They aren’t as skilled in the ring as Bray and Luke, but without those ring reps, how can they get better?
Devon and Bray tag out and we are right back into the hard hits. It’s amazing the durability of The Dudleyz. They came from the Era of Hardcore wrestling, now they are in the Era of Hard Strikes and Stiff Moves.
Luke Harper hits a massive discus clothesline and knocks Bubba down for the pin. As Harper does the Muta Taunt in the corner, Braun and Rowan get in the ring to pick the pieces of the Dudleyz like the buzzards they are.

And I’m Like… That’s how you get your heat back. Like the Four Horsemen, the Wyatt’s can lose, and the next night talk themselves and wrestle themselves back to the threat they posed before the loss. The match was fun to watch on it’s own merit. Wondering what’s next for this group.

Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch

FUCKIN SASHA BANKS!!!! Guess what you guys!! My daughter might not be born yet. She still kicks every time THE BOSS comes out. That is so cool, like beyond cool. It might be happenstance, but the idealist in me thinks this newborn already knows who the best wrestler is.
Purple Hair vs. Orange Hair.
I want Sasha to succeed so bad I get nervous when she wrestles. Like I know she can prove herself in front of any crowd. I know this through experience, anytime someone at my restaurant gives me shit because Woman’s Wrestling. I show them Bayley vs. Sasha 1 or 2 and by the end of either of those matches, the viewer is always ENGULFED.
“Sasha’s Ratchet/No She’s Not” chants. Sasha and Becky are taking it to each other. Sasha hits her double knee stomp early in the match.
“Let’s go Sasha/Let’s go Becky” Not loud by the crowd, but it’s there. Sasha is working over Becky’s back as Cole points out she is setting up for the BankStatement.
It’s weird that Charlotte isn’t out to support Becky. Does that mean the team portion of this Revolution is done?
Michael Cole points out that many people said Sasha was too small to be a Diva. That is the same chord they struck with Daniel Bryan.
Sasha got caught in the Disarmer. I got legit scared for a second. Tamina ran interference, Naomi pulled Sasha to get under the rope. Becky goes to yell at Naomi. Sasha does a roll up for a victory. The crowd pops a bit too.
Sasha holds her arm to sell the disarmer.

And I’m Like… Paige is on the backstage screen and says Charlotte cheated so even though Cole and JBL says Sasha should be the top contender. Paige wants to be top contender because Charlotte had her hand a little under the rope when Charlotte won the match. Paige delivers a promo with THE MOST ANNOYING VOICE. Ugh she is a good heel cause I cannot stand her.

We see that up next is NEW DAY’s Country Jamboree celebrating their 1 year anniversary.

New Day Country Jamboree

New Day comes out on Unicorns, Big E has a rope and cowboy hat and bandana. JBL is dropping country references like crazy. The funny thing is, I picked up on a bunch. When I play my Vidja Games I like to listen to classic country. Some Jimmie Rodgers
Kofi has his hair in a Unicorn…. lolol
The New Day came out for country and they talk about how awful and terrible country music is. Kofi says I know we should be positive but “If I can be honest, Country sucks”
Kofi does a GREAT old school country voice. Big E not so much.
Kofi for real sounds like Jimmie Rodgers. Bring Cesaro out to yodel. They say who wants to hear about tractors.. What about Trucking Music?
OH MY GOD!!! Cowboys are booty
Kofi says “this isn’t me in character COUNTRY MUSIC SUCKS”
Xavier says they are gonna have an open challenge for their titles. Because New Day Rocks.
The crowd died when the Dragons came out. They tried to get the crowd to chant “New Day Runs” but didn’t explain why.
New Day tried to leavin, Uso’s came out. The New Day said “bad Jimmy, bad Jey” the crowd popped for them. Uso’s talk way more street than New Day…. It’s weird.
Sin Cara says technically we were out here first but “the more the better”
New Day are the MOST ANIME Villians ever.
Xavier cancels the open challenge. Uso’s and Dragons beat up Uso’s to little response from the crowd.

And I’m Like…. Started with a bang, ended in a whimper. (been there before) That coulda been something. Don’t rip on country music though and get the white hicks all hot and heated only to bring out two teams of other culture. If you don’t have country team, or a team that embraces the southern lifestyle. Why set it up like that?

Charlotte gets interviewed by Renee Young. Charlotte does not sound real! she sounds like Nattie taught her how to talk. Charlotte says she respects Paige, she knows who she (Charlotte) is as a person and didn’t cheat. She will beat Paige.

Mark Henry vs. Neville

Holy Interesting Matchups Batman!
Cole and JBL liken this to a David vs. Goliath
Henry is fluid in his alignment of Heel and Face. The crowd still doesn’t know how to respond. They don’t boo Henry for beating up Neville because they really have no reason to.
Henry felt bad he was beating Neville up so he helped the little guy up. “c’mon guy, c’mon kid”
Neville fought back and Mark Henry powered up and tossed Neville around. Neville landed a kick. Was going to set up Red Arrow and the camera cut to the back to show Miz.
Henry kicked out at three but everyone was confused because Neville’s theme song stopped playing for a second.
Henry stares down Neville. Then shaked his hand saying he respects him.

And I’m Like… The hell? Henry loses in under a few minutes? That doesn’t help much… Oh well.

Stardust is cutting his promo in his promo room. His music plays in the background. Titus shows up and says he took a wrong turn. Titus says Science was his favorite subject. He then makes fun of Stardust. Stardust calls Goldust the ‘Forgotten Brother’

The Cosmic Wasteland vs. Goldust and the Prime Time Players

Goldust is back, he came back last week. Cole reminds us that Goldust wasn’t happy with Stardust and it turned into a rivalry. Lol
Stardust and Goldust were about to start off before Stardust tagged out to Konnor who tagged out to Viktor…
I like the amount of face paint in WWE in 2015. That was seriously lacking like 5 years ago.
This match, no matter how good it is gonna get, really won’t get the crowd excited I think. They have been kinda quiet all night and this match has a little bit of build.
Viktor should not have tagged in. He got his ass kicked by all the members of the opposing team. Stardust tagged in and quickly got caught in a overhead suplex.
You know how Roman does the apron dropkick and the opponent lays on the bottom rope? Darren Young was laying on the middle rope and Viktor hit a a jumping apron kick… impressive.
This match doesn’t have much of a story yet… Just one guy gets beat up by the other team. Then another guy gets beat up by the other team.
“Cody” chants splatter the arena and Stardust wisely plays to them.
As the hot tag was buliding I caught Goldust grabbing the rope that the tag team member on the apron is supposed to grab, he was trying to get Titus to hold it, but Titus wasn’t paying attention.
Titus got tagged in “ARya ARya” move, Goldust took Stardust over the top, apron backbreaker by Darren Young. A Clash of the Titus for the win.
Goldust does the Million Dollar Dance and adds a seductive breathing element to it.

And I’m Like… That match happened. Wrestling for the sake of wrestling. Not a shred of story that was added.

Zeb and Alberto come out to talk to us about MexAmerica. This MexAmerica thing is turning heel because it’s shitty. Zeb Colter is letting us know that everyone became haters about the MexAmerica. He said we were even complaining on Grindr. Del Rio speaks Spanish. El Stupido. MexAmerica should be Spanglish. They are now talking to us as “you people”. This needs to become something, I don’t know what. We don’t have an American character.

Jack Swaggers music hits, to not much, but a little pop. They keep Swagger on retainer for the “USA” storylines right? Swagger says he can’t believe what he is hearing. Remember Zeb is Swaggers Uncle’s friend and taught Swagger the “Don’t Tread On Me” philosophy. Back when Del Rio was Champion and Swagger was gonna take it at Wrestlemania until he got high . Like Afroman . Swagger got to the ring. Del Rio left the area. Swagger gets EVERYONE to “we the people” though.

And I’m Like… Nice to see Swagger again.

WWE Diva’s Championship Match

Paige vs. Charlotte

I’m kinda over Paige at the moment. She has really been the focal point of the Diva’s storylines for about 2 years now.
Charlotte comes out to some Woo’s. I hope this is a good one. It’s not like many matches tonight had it so the participants could say “follow that”
Paige always points out how this is HER HOUSE. Even though it’s in the Undertakers Yard.
This blood feud starts with a collar and elbow but quickly gets in a bitchslapping fest.
Charlotte has a headlock applied and Paige keeps going in circles to try and get out of it. These girls are good at making every hold look like a struggle to get out of.
Paige is trying to hide on the apron, the crowd doesn’t respond much at all. One guy tries to start a “JBL” chant.
Charlotte hits a knee and a strut to Woo’s from the crowd. I know these girls are working hard, and this revolution will take a while. I as a fan have given up hope the WWE Universe will catch up to the NXT Universe in the optics of woman’s wrestling. I’m sure some well placed storylines over a long amount of time maintained with well wrestled matches will convert some. Sometimes I think WWE Universe has too many LCD Fans .
Paige does Carmella from NXT’s finisher, I think on accident. She does it to kill the crowd. You can tell too cause she looks at the crowd and screams “YOU WANT CHARLOTTE!?!” Trying to get ANY reaction from the crowd.
Kay Jewelers is the sponsor for this match. Interesting.
Paige laid a BEAUTIFUL kick into Charlotte’s face for two, Cole freaked out about it too.
This is the Blonde with Brown roots vs. Black with Blue tips if we are talking Diva hair color. Cause you know everyone has to have a different color if your in the Diva’s division.
Paige calls a spot loud as hell cause the crowd is so quiet. She says “we will fight up, then I’ll push and we kick got it?” Charlotte audibly says “yeah” and then IT HAPPENS. It’s like wrestling is planned or something. I wish I could prove it somehow.
Charlotte gets a nearfall on a Ric Flair Woo Chop.
Charlotte has a ‘sleeper’ on except her arm is around Paiges throat and the ref does nothing to stop the choke.
Charlotte does the Big E spear through the ropes spot.. TO NO REACTION!
The ref counted for a double count out…. Charlotte hit a spear again. Paige sets up the announce table and the crowd pops, they don’t know its just gonna be a submission where not ONE PART of Charlotte’s body is on the table.

And I’m Like… They are continuing thins? Oh Bother!

Heath Slater is in the RING!!!! Why wasn’t he the guy to defend Country Music. YEAH! BAY-BAY! He put my words in my mouth by saying Country sucks and he is playing Rock and Roll. No one really boo’s anymore… He tells Nashville to shut their mouth and he needs total silence. They gave him silence… Ryback comes out to a whimpery cheer. Hmm.. The longer the show goes, the less energy the crowd has, which gives the whole show a hum drum feeling. Heath Slater broke the guitar over Ryback’s back. He no sold it and spinebuster Heath. Meathook clothesline and a Shellshock too.

And I’m Like… This Raw does not feel like it is going well. Maybe if I watched it on mute I would appreciate it more, this crowd is like entertainment vampires.

Dean Ambrose and Dolph Ziggler vs. Tyler Breeze and Kevin Owens

Tyler Breeze is wearing the BLUEST pants. Dolph is wearing his own T-Shirt. That must be to stand out more from Tyler but now he is wearing almost what Owens is wearing.
Kevin Owens get’s tagged in and “fight owens fight” happens.
Ambrose gets tagged in and the crowd gets hype. Owens tags out to Boo’s.
So Ziggler and Breeze are both tagged back in, to kill the momentum. Owens tags back in and instantly “fight owens fight”
“Cut off sleeves are my thing damnit” Which is so true.
Ziggler is fighting out of the corner to no avail. The crowd makes noise every time a tag to Dean is teased.
I think the microphones near the ring were turned down cause whenever the wrestlers land on the ring it is QUIET. Ambrose gets the crowd to make some noise when he does his dive to the outside and strings together his Signature moves.
Ambrose fights out of The Unprettier and hits Dirty Deeds on Breeze while Kevin Owens watches from the outside.

And I’m Like… The next person to tag with Owens should not do it based on previous tag matches Owens has been in. I feel like that match could have been so much more.

We see a video clip of JBL and El Torito arguing about what to eat. They keep doing Tex or Mex… and we see El Torito come out as JBL Torito in one of the worst Hardees commercial of all time…. That was shit… Hardees is good though. Frisco Burger 4-Life.

Rusev w/Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns

When Seth Rollins was champion it seems like every episode of Raw had a self containing arc. Whether it was things like Sting having the statue. Or Kane doing the stuff he was doing with Rollins, the Human Resources stuff. This episode didn’t even have an arc. It was Reigns you were a dick to the bosses so face this guy.
The crowd is chattering a lot with Roman in the ring. This guy is the reason most people are there. That’s good for WWE’s future if they are banking on Reigns.
Sheamus sits watching the match. He kinda is the most Stan Stasiak or Mid-90’s Bob Backlund .
Roman and Rusev are both known as hard hitters. We come back from commercial and Rusev has a headlock on Roman. UGH too, Reigns fights out of the headlock by shaking his arms and rolling his eyes. He slaps Rusev’s forearms like once or twice and Rusev let’s go. RIDICULOUS!! FIGHT OUT OF THE HOLD YOUR IN. Don’t shake until the guy let’s go.
Sheamus hits Roman on the outside behind the ref’s back.
Rusev has another headlock type on Roman. The crowd chants “let’s go Roman” Reigns legit just spins his left arms in circles and that makes Rusev have to stand up, once the hold is loosened from all those arm circles Reigns punches Rusev and Sheamus grabs Roman’s foot. The ref throws him out of the match.
After Reigns hits a Samoan Drop the ref counts as both guys are knocked down. The crowd barely counts with the ref.
Reigns does his 10 corner clothesline and the crowd counts along every step of the way. Rusev is able to hit a heel kick for a very close two count.
Reigns attempts a superplex, Rusev fights out, pushes Roman down and hits a diving headbutt for two. The crowd is way invested in the nearfalls and are getting louder the longer the match goes.
Roman hit a Superman Punch to count Rusev’s Thrust kick for two.
Reigns ‘fires himself up’ to no sell his fatigue. JBL wants to know how he psych himself up like that. Rusev rolls to the outside and kicks Roman in the jaw.
As Rusev dismantles Roman Reigns on the outside the “Let’s go Roman” gets louder and louder.
Reigns catches Rusev and hits the knees to the face like Charlotte does. Rusev fell off the apron after all those knees.
Rusev tries to climb in the ring but as Cole says “Drive By Action”
King Barrett shows up and hits Roman Reigns. Sweet.
No Dean Ambrose to help Reigns at the moment. Rusev has a chair and Roman fights it out of Rusev’s hands. Roman Reigns beat Rusev down with a chair. He beat up Barrett, and Sheamus came out and Roman kicked his ass too.
You know that cool stable The Authority formed of the Euro’s at the start of the show? Roman beat all the guys in one segment….