And I’m Like… (Reviewing Raw March 21st 2016)

Hey errbody! I am gonna write a little personal stuff and how it relates to wrestling in italics, then when font goes back to normal we get Raw.

I have mentioned before about one of my regulars at the restaurant. He is a bit off kilter and licks magazines and thinks he is married to celebrities. He would come in three times a week, was around the age of 63. He passed away on Tuesday. He might have been strange, but he was a gentle soul, my servers and I were sure to make him feel like family. It kind of was a somber week at the restaurant. Today was his wake, tomorrow the funeral. I was an alter boy and served at many funerals growing up, even my own mothers when I was 11. The one thing that helped me cope with my own loss and the loss of complete strangers was professional wrestling. No matter what was happening in my life, I knew that wrestling would be there and continue spinning it’s glorious wheel. I tend not to show much emotion, but it comes out when I watch wrestling, it’s weird but it’s like a pent up ball of feelings gets tossed around when I watch the pro graps. That is why I am mainly positive towards any show I review, because it has a place in my heart that helps the grieving process. I felt better after the wake, knowing the family my regular had, and that his suffering has stopped. His last words were “tell mom my jet plane is here, I will see her soon”, he took off on that jet plane about an hour later. Writing helps me understand my emotions and how I interpret everyday life. I just needed to get that ramble out. Death is weird and people treat it differently. He always told me to keep working to support my family, well, that is what I’ll do.

Monday Night Raw Opening

It’s a graphic of one of the WWE crew members family who passed away this weekend, she was 22. Thoughts and prayers for everyone and their families.

Video Package Opening

• We see last weeks beat down of HHH by Roman Reigns.
• I had a few regulars talk about how they liked what Reigns did and they can’t wait to see him kick HHH’s ass. Sometimes I forget people watch wrestling as a television show and not as a religion. Many of the fans that spend money on the product don’t think much deeper than the surface of the show. Which is why sometimes WWE insults the intelligence, most of the fans don’t read about wrestling or want to know more about it.

Stephanie McMahon Promo

• She comes out dancing and “nobody do her, like she do her”
• Steph says HHH won’t be here because of business commitments, not because Roman beat him up last week. We think “oh he is gone to sell the beating and she is covering for him because heels lie” Casual fan thinks “HHH is too hurt cause Roman beat him up and now he is hiding at home.” Perspective is weird.
• Steph was pointing out how her and HHH can buy anything and anyone.

Roman Reigns Interrupts

• I think it’s strange that Roman still wears a shirt when he wrestles. I have become accustomed to thinking “if they have a shirt on, they are overweight” Like that Sting vs. Flair match
• There have only been like five or six Mania main events where the wrestlers don’t wear wrestling trunks. 9,10,24, and I think 31. Trunks mean main event wrestler to me!
• Roman puts his hand over Steph’s mic and cuts her off like he is too cool for this class.
• He comes out and Steph says “opportunistic, you come out when I saw my husband isn’t here” He then proceeds to talk tough to Steph about what she can and can’t do, she tries to slap him, he stops her, he says “now I am the authority.” He leaves.

And I’m Like… I really can’t find a reason to cheer Roman Reigns. Him being a badass comes off as a tad douchey. His beatdown he recieved kept him off television for a few weeks. He was soft shell taco, mild sauce, at the Royal Rumble and still lost. I don’t know I wouldn’t be bothered if he wins, but I am not really pulling for him to.

Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles

• AJ finally knows his song well enough to flip his hood when the beat drops and it is a thing of beauty. It’s so cool how right out the gate he has been presented as a star. His popularity reminds me of the early 80’s Junk Yard Dog. He was over everywhere he went, he got to WWF and was a huge star, but never the top dog because Hulk Hogan. AJ vs. Cena will be an amazing thing that we want to happen, but we all know that Cena is our generations Hulk Hogan.
• Speaking of John Cena, Kevin Owens gots a new shirt. He gets more new shirts than John Cena.
• The Jericho feud with AJ is about how the crowd cheers AJ and not Jericho, it’s a very old school feud. The best thing is, Jericho repeats “Aj Styles” and it conditions the crowd to say AJ’s name whenever he is out here. IF that happens in enough cities it will catch on. Funny thing about WWE crowds is they will chant whatever chant is relevant regardless of the situation. The emotion might not be there but the forced reaction is. I don’t know if that is a good thing or bad thing.
• Owens was getting beat up by AJ and he rolled to the outside to gain some breath. AJ tried a moonsault off the apron but Owens moved and violently threw AJ into the top of the barricade.
• They battle it out in the center of the ring after the barricade spot. AJ does his signature strike combination and a splash in the corner. That’s nice of Owens to let AJ shine like he is.
• These two wrestled on Smackdown and Owens got caught with a Pele kick. Tonight he saw it coming and dodged it. Hit some impact moves that ended with a reverse F-Cinq
• The crowd is buying all the nearfalls and give loud reactions after the kick out. Both men are hitting moves not seen that much in WWE. AJ hit a fireman’s carry neck breaker and Cole called it “an AA with a knee to the head.”
• Owens was able to reverse AJ doing a top rope Frankensteiner and counters with a frog splash.
• JBL calls Owens a bumble bee because bumblebee’s physically should not be able to fly do to their size in relation to the size of their wings. With a little bit of work and much determination, the bumblebee can fly, and pretty well at that. Owens should not be able to fly like he does, but he does it wit precision and grace.
• Owens hit a beautiful superkick that AJ took but then hit right back with a Pele. WOW! The crowd popped huge for that .
• Owens sets AJ up on the turnbuckle and chops him a bunch of times. AJ tries to fight out of it but can’t do it. AJ slips out and puts Owens in a torture rack and transitions that to a spinning back slam.
• These two are hitting so many moves that I question what the names of them are.
• They are back on the top turnbuckle again. It’s like we are watching Mallrats, Owens and AJ are the kid and the top turnbuckle is that damn escalator .
• Styles hit a sunset flip powerbomb off the top turnbuckle. After Owens kicks out Jericho comes out saying “AJ Styles” over and over.
• AJ is distracted but is able to attempt a calf killer on Owens. Jericho hops on the apron and AJ runs at him, that is enough time for Owens to get a roll up victory.
• AJ runs into the back while holding his lower back.
• Owens kisses his belt and grabs the mic “do you see this? DO YOU SEE THIS!?!? This is the Kevin Owens show.”
• Owens says in 13 days the biggest event in the history of WWE will take place. He is selling the match by shaking his head and wincing.
• He asks, who is gonna face me at KOMania, and

Sami Zayn Dolph Ziggler comes out

• Man he feels like Rey Mysterio at Royal Rumble 2015.
• He says he can beat Owens and then

Miz Comes Out

• Miz says he main evented Wrestlemania and deserves to face Owens.
• Ziggler and Miz go over who they beat and why they are great.

Sami Zayn comes out!!

• Let’s Go!!
• Zayn “all due respects” the three guys in the ring. An “ole” chant breaks out but it doesn’t catch on and Zayn even tried to let it breathe.
• Zayn says he waited way too long to face Owens and he wants to do it at Mania.
• Miz called Zayn “skinny Seth Rogan” which is accurate!
• Owens says he will go talk with the Authority to make a triple threat match for a title shot against him at KO Mania.

And I’m Like… That match was great! They keep letting AJ be AJ and it is really working out for him. After the brilliant match we get a nice set-up for the IC title. Adds prestige to the belt and continues story lines. When everything runs smoothly and is this cohesive it makes me wonder why this type of writing doesn’t happen year round. Part of me thinks WWE intentionally does lazy booking just so Mania feels that much more special.

Ambrose is talking in a bar about rubbing crap over Lesnar’s face when HALL OF FAMER TERRY BY GOD DAMN FUNK shows up!!! I wish I had time to write out why Terry Funk is one of the greatest things to ever happen to professional wrestling. Funk was yelling at Ambrose, and he is giving Ambrose a gift. Terry said to Dean “you are the best in the country, I would want him to be just like you.” FUNK GIVES HIM A CHAINSAW!!! Holy shit!! No way he is gonna use a chainsaw in that match. Ambrose legit started a chainsaw up in a restaurant and cut some tables!! He is gonna MDK Lesnar!

And I’m Like… This match just got scary… This is Chekhov’s gun.. They introduced a damn chainsaw… Now if a chainsaw spot isn’t teased, it will be disappointing.

We come back and Stephanie is standing in front of a monitor on her phone, by herself, in the back. What a weird spot to call your “office”. Owens shows up and apologizes for bothering Steph. Owens pitches his plan, he seems a little timid around McMahon. He cuts to the chase and asks permission for the triple threat match. The second she says yes, he is very appreciative and wants Steph to say hi to HHH.

New Day is walking through the hall, making people twerk? Making people twerk… uh oh.

Rusev vs. Big E

• The match at Mania is the LoN vs. New Day in a non-title. The feud is about… making fun of each other?
• New Day comes out with microphones. They say “The New Day does not suck.” Also that LoN is trash. They keep calling the LoN “trash” this segment is falling flat on it’s face. Instead of a battle of words this became a game of “yo mama”
• Legit the first time I fast forwarded through the New Day promo. It just did not vibe with me in anyway. The second the bell rings, Rusev tries to go the outside. Big E took the fight to him.
• Big E does a one person Unicorn Stampede. It even gets the Francesca II music.
• That Big E splash on the apron gets me “dad nervous”. I fear for all the wrestlers safety. After I saw Bubba almost break his back, that spot worries me every time.
• We come back from break and Rusev is in charge now… One of the reasons I miss the WWE App’s way of watching during commercial break.
• Big E starts throwing over head belly to belly suplexes,  each on makes me think Rusev was gonna hit his head. He didn’t
• Big E went for a running spear but hit his head on Rusev’s knee. It looked rough.
• After a thrust kick to Big E’s head we only got a near-fall..
• Big E goes for an outside dive and lands on his head….. Then he pops in the ring and hits his finish on Rusev.

And I’m Like… I dozed off a bit during that match. I know it ended with Big E getting near injured and Rusev being tough as nails. Big E is aggressive and scares me, he seems to do really risky stuff.

WE see a trophy for the Andre The Giant Memorial Battleroyal

Big Show comes out

• Big Show tells Philly “thanks for keeping it real”
• Show puts over how Andre was the greatest Giant of all time. In WWF yes I agree, but there were a lot of Giants. Even Giant Gama! Before Andre’s time.

Social Outcasts come out

• They say that they will throw Big Show over the top rope.
• Big Show tries not to laugh, and he totally laughs.
• Curtis is doing his hee thing, they all have crazy nerd confidence.
• Heath says “the bigger the man the harder they fall” Big Show was handling all four of them for a bit, once they got the advantage, Demon Kane came out.
• Kane throws all of the Social Outcasts over the top rope. Except for Bo, who negotiates with Kane but ends up getting tossed over the top rope.
• Big Show hugs Kane, cloud claps, Kane chokeslams Big Show OFF THAT DAMN ESCALATOR AGAIN!

And I’m Like… That was kind of useless but whatever. The Social Outcasts are funny and we need to be reminded of the stories going into the battle royal. The top rope chokeslam was cool, I am gonna miss Kane and Big Show when they are gone. I am gonna try and appreciate their boring asses.

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango

• Man, member when Fandango was a thing? Yeah I remember that month.
• Fandango is a puzzler. Obviously he has the tools to be a superstar, but he languishes in the mid-card. I wonder why they keep that gimmick with Fandango.
• Fandango misses his legdrop and Y2J tries to put the Walls of Jericho on.
• Jericho looks at AJ Styles who is coming out saying “y2Jackass” and Jericho almost loses, hits codebreaker and wins.
• That’s not usual on WWE television. Jericho interferes and AJ loses, AJ interferes and Jericho wins. That makes AJ seems pretty loserish right?
• AJ grabs the mic and points at the Mania sign. He offers a match to Jericho at Mania.
• Then AJ tries to get the crowd to chant his name, but they tired of this.

And I’m Like… Two segments for this feud? I hope it gets more heated than, people say my name and not yours.

Kevin Owens Promo

• Jericho, AJ, and Kevin Owens have all appeared twice on the show already.
• Kevin Owens is the announcer for this match.
• When Owens announces Sin Cara he makes it sound like he is wrestling Sami Zayn but announces Sin Cara

Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Zack Ryder

• LOL! The triple threat. Steph must not be paying attention.
• Owens picks the most lousery guys.
• The crowd is sOOO not into this match
• Stardust and Sin Cara have pretty good chemistry together. I don’t have a favorite to face Owens because if any of these three win, they WILL NOT beat Owens.
• Sin Cara does a springboard moonsault. The crowd does not respond at all. I hate when dangerous moves get pulled off and there is no response.
• Zayn comes out and picks a fight with Kevin Owens.
• The triple threat guys are cornering Owens asking for a title shot. So we legit have 7 people contending for this title.

And I’m Like… In WWE triple threats are NoDQ. This match ended in a DQ. lol. I assume a multi-man ladder match at Mania. I am only excited for Zayn and Owens. JUST GIVE ME THAT!!

Stephanie is in the back and she is tied for most appearances in one episode with Sami Zayn.  Owens interrupts Steph and is telling her to address the problem. McMahon gets too upset and puts Owens in a ladder match against the other six guys. That match will be crazy. Triple H is there to pick up Stephanie and head out of the arena. Roman Reigns does his best Michael Myers impression and stalks the Authority. UGH! Reigns is really not that good of a person.

The reveal of Roman though… got boo’s from the crowd. The problem here… One, HHH did not lock the door.. He saw Roman walking so he could have locked the door. Two, Roman won the beatdown last week, and continued this week because he is a jerk. HHH drove off with a wife that is tons more convincing of getting attacked in a car than Brie Bella was.

And I’m Like… After that action, coupled with the boo’ing, and I am ready for Roman to lose. I am not pulling for HHH to win, I just want Roman to lose. Someone that acts like that should not be rewarded.

Charlotte vs. Natayla

• This match will not top at Roadblock.
• Becky and Sasha are arguing over who pinned who, and they won’t put over the match because they are bickering.
• Nattie gets the girls to shut up when she puts Charlotte in a mexican surfboard. Then runs over Charlotte’s head.
• Charlotte tries to get in Becky’s face and Nattie takes Charlotte down.
• Charlotte is showing how aggressive and angry she is with her Flair chops and yelling at the referee.
• I don’t really like the girls on commentary because they don’t have much to talk about. They continue to swim in this shallow pool even though there is barely any water to swim with.
• Both girls look exhausted but the last match they had  took more punishment and wrestled a faster pace, they should not be exhausted.
• Cole reminds the girls of Triple Threat rules and how there is NoDQ.
• Charlotte hit naturaly selection to no response from the crowd… Wow, I don’t know what this crowd took but, no one is enjoying the show it looks like.

And I’m Like… The problem with being so far away from Wrestlemania, is that the storylines that only need a few weeks to tell, still need to stretch to Wrestlemania. The storyline with the girls is totally fine, it just would have been tremendous if there was emotion involved. Instead of playing a scripted character, these girls aren’t allowed to turn it to 11.

Bubba Dudley vs. R-Truth

• For real the crowd is so quiet I can hear Bubba talking shit to Truth verbatium.
• When did Truth and Goldust decide to become a team?
• I don’t think they are a team, and that hurts Truth because D-Von is kicking R-Truth’s ass.
• Goldust’s music hits and NO REACTION FROM THE CROWD!! They get beat up. then the Uso’s come out and a small small reaction from the crowd.

And I’m Like… The Dudleyz get superkicked and the crowd boo’s the Uso’s. The Uso’s bring a table in the ring because the Dudleyz said they won’t put anyone else through a table. The Uso’s are doing a dangerous spot where they are diving in synchronization. D-Von saves Bubba from the attack. This is one of my least favorite feuds.

Vince Comes out and tells us about Shane and the Undertaker.

Vince says it would be unfortunate if we saw the last of him. Because if Shane wins, he will clean house and fire all the on TV executives.

Vince openly said Undertaker is his bitch…. He said if Undertaker loses it will be his last Wrestlemania, to no response from crowd.

Dean Ambrose vs. Braun Strowman

• I don’t know if I am tired or what, but this Raw is not that good. It is the 2nd Raw before Mania and it feels like such a clusterf.
• Paul Heyman is on commentary, but the DVR for me goes to five minutes over and unless this match ends in a matter of minutes I don’t think I will catch the rest of the match.
• Ambrose straps broke so he is wearing a halter top now!! lol
• Ambrose decided the only way to slow Strowman down is to put him in a sleeper. Bray screamed at Strowman who destroyed Ambrose.
• “This is Boring” from the crowd… and it is…
• What is going on with this Raw? It feels like some segments are clicking but the majority are not. I don’t know if Philly is waiting for something , I feel like if they were reacting I would be more excited. Then again they have to sit through this live and I don’t. Ambrose hit his comeback and legit no cheers or anything… This crowd is hurting the overall show I think.
• Ambrose uses a chair and gets DQ’d.

And I’m Like… If this show was only the first hour it would be tremendous. I don’t know what is going on in the background of WWE but tonight did not gel for me. Maybe they are doing too much like Mid-South used to do. They are still setting up the card and we are two weeks out also. I have no fear that Takeover and Mania will deliver, I am just worried for next weeks Raw and Raw crowd. Sorry the show was long Philly, sorry you don’t react to stuff either.

I have had a draining day. I am going to bed folks. Thank you for the read, please like and share and tweet and comment. You could also replace and with or…

Have a good one

-Jake