PLEASE forgive me in advance for any careless typos. I’m generally a stickler for that sort of thing as I’m the EDITOR of this website. But I was in a hurry to get on the old Skype machine with a very awesome wrestling personality for an even cooler upcoming interview on “The B+ Players.” So with that said, let’s get into this week’s edition of Viva La Lucha Libre.
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— Mark Adam Haggerty (@TapeTraderz) May 22, 2015
Bailamos! Let the rhythm take you over, BAILAMOS! Te quiero amor mio. Just watching Lucha Underground gets me in a groove where I want to bump and grind like Enrique Iglesias! WANNA LIVE THIS LIFE FOREVER! BAILAMOS! Enough of that. What’s crack-a-lackin’ guys, it’s Mark Adam Haggerty and I’m back in action with this week’s edition of Viva La Lucha Libre. I took a break last week, a rarity as I usually always watch/review Lucha Underground, but I’ve been consumed by my upcoming move from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. So to be honest, I was completely out of the wrestling loop for the majority of last week. But I’m with it once again, and tonight we’re talking about the most recent episode of Lucha Underground of the El Rey Network.
The show begins with an authentic Mexican musical experience per usual, with Matt Striker and Vampiro at ringside calling the action. Vampiro is wearing a white dress shirt, buttoned all the way to the top, with no tie. It’s a very bizarre look. If that’s not strange enough, our first competitor of the evening is NONE OTHER than Marty “The Moth” Martinez, who is set to battle the Lucha Underground Champion Prince Puma. Puma is escorted to the ring by Konnan and receives an awesome ovation from the fans, as well as Marty the Moth. Things get going and Marty treats Puma like a true celebrity, begging for photographs from the fans at ringside. After they’re done posing however, the Moth turned into a venomous spider. Spider? Moths don’t turn into spiders, do they? Marty clotheslined Puma and took the fight to the champion for several moments until the inaugural face of the company was able to muster the resiliency to return fire. Puma fought back, but the imposing mass of the Moth, coupled with his seemingly docile nature, got the better of the champion for the good part of the contest. But Marty the Moth wouldn’t muster enough to maintain the edge, and Prince Puma was the victor come the sound of the bell.
Immediately following the match, Puma and Konnan were greeted by the current heir to Puma’s crown, Hernandez. Hernandez defeated Alberto El Patron last week in his SECOND number one contender’s contest to become the undisputed top challenger for the championship. Konnan told Hernandez that he thought he was his friend, but he realized he’s nothing more “than a sorry son of a bitch.” Konnan went on to call Hernandez “baby nuts” and said he “makes lambs look dangerous.”
There’s a quick sit down interview between Johnny Mundo and one of those rubber “Homiez” you get from the 25-cent machine at super markets. Oh wait, no never mind. That’s Vampiro again. Last week Johnny Mundo cost Alberto El Patron the number one contender spot when he interrupted his match with Hernandez. Mundo has been a consummate babyface since what—2007? When Johnny Nitro ceased to be and John Morrison won the ECW title—that was originally intended for Chris Benoit—he started down the steep slope to superstardom and never looked back toward his former villainous ways. This is the first time in almost 8 years that we’ve seen this side of Johnny. Johnny says: “Let’s cut to the chase, I came to this country to prove that I’m the best in the world. I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job of showing that. And a lot of the people who compete, aren’t as good as me. It’s as simple as that.” WHOA! Very awesome turn of phrase and change of character for the incomparable John Hennigan. Vampiro says that he digs Johnny’s confidence, but he isn’t answering the question: “Why did you smash Alberto’s head through the [office] window?” Vampiro suggests Johnny might feel a certain way about how Alberto came into Lucha Underground and was automatically “handed the limelight.” Vampiro breaks it down simple: “Yo, are you jealous of Alberto El Patron?” Johnny says that Alberto is “over confident, over paid, and over rated.” Johnny even went as far as to say, “Maybe he thought I was just some dude in catering, that he could slap around,” referring to the very incident that had Patron expelled from WWE.
Dario Cueto is inside his office with members of The Crew, who’ve all but become his personal detail in terms of what he needs done inside the Lucha Temple. He explains the ancient Aztec ritual of human sacrifice, wherein the High Priest would cut off a head and let it roll down the steps of the temple. Tonight the Crew will sacrifice the Trios Champions inside the squared circle in a ladder match for the championship titles. Dario warns them however, that if they’re unable to perform as their directed, it will not only anger him—it will anger the gods!
“The following Lucha is scheduled for one fall,” Melissa Santos is very talented, and while she’s not my favorite announcer in the game today, she’s far from the bottom of the list. The next match is another one-on-one competition between rivals, this time pitting the immensely popular Texano Jr. against his newly-christened rival Delavar Daivari. Texano is explosive right away, chasing Daivari out and around the ring, which allows the Kayfabe “Persian Prince” the opportunity to take the advantage. Let’s not forget that Daivari has been to the big dance on multiple occasions; not only has he garnered a reputation as a manager in the WWE for Superstars such as the Great Khali, Mark Henry, Muhammad Hassan, and KURT ANGLE—but he’s a former TNA X-Division Champion. This is a solid back and forth contest where both men are afforded an enormity of offense. Texano takes out his wrath on the man who cost him the Trios title, while Daivari counteracts with a “Hat Trick,” not unlike that employed by the aforementioned “Crippler” Chris Benoit. As Texano began to mount an offense however, he was attacked by an imposing figure in denim pants and a black t-shirt—IT WAS BIG RYCK! The bell rang and Texano would earn the victory by disqualification, but the carnage was far from over. Daivari put the boots to Texano and ordered Ryck to join in. The big man put Texano on the top rope, where Daivari finished him off with a snap hurricanrana. Daivari grabbed his signature scotch from the ring post and toasted his “victory.” Ryck shoved the referee to the mat, where he was forced to count an unofficial “1-2-3” as Delavar Daivari lay across Texano Jr.
Back in his office Dario Cueto is surprised to find Catrina running her hands across his shoulders and chest, seductively warning that Mil Muertes will return more powerful than ever before. If it’s a sacrifice that Dario wants, Muertes can deliver it. Catrina disappears into thin air, but not before explaining that Mil will return next week, and seeks to have a “Death Match.”
More backstage shenanigans, this time involving Black Lotus who’s finally set out on her journey to kill Dario Cueto’s brother Matanza. Chavo Guerrero makes a surprise appearance, warning Lotus’s master that if he wants her to survive, she’ll need his help. Chavo says that his “familia is in danger in Mexico,” and is willing to watch over Lotus in exchange for their guaranteed safety south of the border.
Tonight’s main event is the ladder match for the Lucha Underground Trios Championship. The Crew are introduced as such, with no added fanfare or explanation as to who they are. Mr. Cisco leads the group, with Castro Cortez carrying a kendo stick and Bael bringing up the rear. Their opponents are the current champions—sans their straps as their currently suspended about the ring—Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc. They enter the arena high above the crowd and are immediately blindsided by the Crew who seek to fulfill their promise to Dario Cueto. Ivelisse is still on crutches, so the Crew is able to mount a considerable advantage by playing the “numbers game” as dirty as they can. Ivelisse isn’t spared from the action however, as the Crew attacks her on several occasions while her team mates struggle to gain any sort of offensive advantage. Angelico steals the show per usual with an array of death defying over the top maneuvers. I was especially impressed with members of the Crew, especially Mr. Cisco who was so fantastic between the ropes that the Lucha faithful were forced to cheer and then chant: “You STILL suck, you STILL suck.” Angelico was now fending off every member of the Crew as Havoc lay motionless on the outside. With more than ten minutes left in the program, I began to wonder how things would progress from this point forward.
The Crew punished Angelico by seating him in the corner, and taking turns on his most “sensitive area” with all the weapons they could find. I’m talking about his nuts. They drilled a ladder between his legs and it looked incredibly painful, okay? They tossed Angelico to the outside and proceeded to do the exact same thing to Havoc; they isolated him from his allies and brutalized him with locally available weapons such as tables and ladders. Havoc wasn’t having it however—that sounded pretty cool—and came back with a series of shooting star presses, back breakers, and more of what makes Matt Cross—er ah—I mean, Son of Havoc, amazing. The Crew manages to down Havoc before he can reach the titles hanging above the ring. I totally forgot this was a ladder match, to be honest. Angelico returned to even the odds but it was no use as the Crew fought tooth and nail to “sacrifice” the trios champions to the “Gods” and Dario Cueto. They tore the wooden panel from Dario’s office window out of the frame, so that they could use it as a weapon, and also so that Dario could get a front row look at what was happening. The action even spilled over INTO Dario’s office, for the first time since the show began. Dario remained on the phone, as Angelico set the ladder up outside of the ring and climbed to the very roof of the office. Angelico prepared to dive off, when Castro Cortez appeared and lashed out with a litany of kendo stick strikes. Down on the floor, Mr. Cisco performed a suicide dive out of Dario’s office and onto Son of Havoc. At this point, I wouldn’t be upset if the Crew captured the titles, and neither would the Faithful inside the Temple!
This match was “off the chain” as some wrestling pundits might put it, and Son of Havoc was once again fighting three men at once. He set Bael across a table and prepared for a BLANK, but was interrupted by Mr. Cisco. Cisco couldn’t stop Havoc however, and was tossed to the floor, through ANOTHER wooden table! Havoc ascended the ropes and performed a senton press that nearly decapitated Havoc on the way down. Castro was the only man on two legs, and set the ladder up to steal the championship belts. That’s when Angelico leapt from the office AGAIN, this time with a killer drop kick that knocked both men out. Dario looked on from his office. Ivelisse entered the ring, on one leg and climbed the ladder, proving once again that she has to do everything herself. Ivelisse fought off Mr. Cisco by biting his knuckles and captured the trios titles for her team. Your winner, and STILL Lucha Underground Trios Champions—Ivelisse, Angelico, and Son of Havoc. “Holy shit,” is right.
What can be said about Lucha Underground that hasn’t been shouted from the rooftops a hundred times already? It’s an immensely entertaining show, but as the end of the season could mean the end of the series, it’s a bittersweet joy to watch some of these first class performers do what they do best. Let’s pray to whatever Aztec gods we need to, that Lucha Underground gets picked up for a second season, so that we might get another 40+ hours of authentic Lucha Libre wrestling right here in America.
Until next time feel free to follow me throughout the perilous world of social media by LIKING “The B+ Players” on Facebook and by FOLLOWING @TapeTradez on Twitter.
