Superstars: Really, It’s Still Around
April 24, 2015
Written by Mark Adam Haggerty
What’s going down friends—it’s your pal Mark Adam Haggerty, with a whole hell of a lot of time on my hands if I’m going out of my way to review this week’s episode of SUPERSTARS. I was speaking with one of my Cheap-Heat colleagues and we were having trouble discerning Superstars from Main Event. When I was a kid, Superstars was THE show, without question. I would get home from soccer practice on Saturday—and later Sunday—mornings, eager to see what sort of action the Superstars of the New Generation would get into. Superstars was the show I remember watching most often with my dad; when Goldust debuted in 1995, I told my dad that he was my FAVORITE wrestler. Then we were watching one day and Goldust had tattooed “Razor” on his chest and was making sexual advances toward Scott Hall. I can still remember the way my dad said: “He shouldn’t be your favorite.”
Well Superstars certainly has changed since the early 1990s, but it’s still a part of the WWE family of television shows. So if nobody else is going to bite the bullet, then I will volunteer myself to review WWE Superstars in this new weekly column entitled: “Superstars: Really, It’s Still Around.”
I will be the first to admit that I had absolutely no idea what I’d get out of this show going in; I’ve heard good things in the past, but didn’t expect much more than a standard 45 minutes of undercard action.
Things kick off with our announce team, comprised of play-by-play analyst Rich Brennan and color commentator Byron Saxton. Our opening contest pits the “British Bull Hammer” against the “Real American American.” It’s currently unclear what Wade Barrett will get into this Sunday now that Daniel Bryan has been benched through Payback. But tonight Bad News has to worry about Jack Swagger. The crowd battles chant-for-chant with the warring rhythm of “Bad News Barrett” squaring off against “We the People.” Both individuals look phenomenal in the opening moments of this match, with Jack Swagger taking the lead early on. Both of these men are about the same size and are clearly capable inside the ring—I wonder if something might come of their rivalry down the road. Rich Brennan mentions that Jack Swagger said Zeb Coulter will be returning to television soon, and has something “pretty big planned.” The contest see-saws from side to side and Jack Swagger lands his mean and very lean variation on the Vader Bomb, but Barrett kicks out at two. Barrett removes his elbow pad, signifying the end of the match for Swagger. Jack reversed the incomparable Englishman, and hooked him in the “Patriot Lock” AKA the “Ankle Lock.” Bad News Barrett squirmed for safety and reached the ropes, dumping Swagger to the outside in the process. Upon reentry, Swagger fell victim to the Bull Hammer elbow out of nowhere. Bad News Barrett gets the win going into unforeseen circumstances this Sunday night. I’m thoroughly impressed thus far with this Superstars program. Perhaps my lighthearted jokes at the start of this column were a little premature.
After a vignette highlighting the Big Show’s battle with Roman Reigns two weeks ago, we get a clip from Monday Night Raw wherein Roman addresses the situation head-on. Of course the exchange with Bo Dallas was hilarious, but I already reviewed Raw—well, one of my colleagues filled in this week—and I’m far more interested in what’s going down on Superstars. Long story short: Bo Dallas called “The Phantom Menace” the BEST Star Wars film of all time and referred to Roman Reigns as the Tim Tebow of the WWE. Then Roman gave him a Superman Punch and told the audience that they “can BO-LIEVE THAT!”
Kid and Cesaro say that it is a treat to have them compete on Superstars; not only do they consider themselves better than Los Matadores, but they say Natalya is better than El Torito. I don’t think anyone would argue that.
So after the Roman Reign recap from Raw, we get another segment from Monday in its entirety. This time it’s the United States Championship match between John Cena and the WWE Director of Operations Kane. The WWE does a fine job of circumventing the “you can’t put Raw on the WWE Network” rule, by featuring entire matches on a number of Network exclusive programs throughout the week. They just don’t put the entire show up for a month. For the record, the Cena-Kane match was pretty good. I also think it’s very interesting how Rusev always wraps the chain around his opponents face, and is sure not to choke anyone.
It’s time for the main event, which is good because it appears we’ll get a solid fifteen minute match. But at the same time, I would have preferred more original content on a show I’ve just decided to start reviewing. Two matches? Plus Kane versus John Cena from Raw? I guess you can’t complain; the opening bout was good and the main event was outstanding, and as far as filler, you can’t argue with the top moments from Raw. I would have liked another match—is all I’m saying. I never really liked Cesaro’s siren theme song, as I don’t think it fit his character. But it certainly seems to fit his tag team with Tyson Kidd.
Los Matadores have been looking phenomenal as of late, but that shouldn’t come as any surprise. The only hindrance on the Colon Brothers is the Mexican Bullfighting gimmick that they—as Puerto Rican second generation wrestlers—are forced to portray. Cesaro starts things out and uses his power to his advantage, but is no match for the fast paced ability of Diego. Cesaro answers his opponent with a series of European uppercuts, and tags Tyson Kidd. Diego remains in control and hoists Tyson Kidd into the air with a delayed vertical suplex. We head to a break and when we return, Los Matadores are in command, using their familial chemistry and identical appearance to capitalize on the champions. Cesaro fights back and returns the favor from before by delivering an even longer delayed suplex of his own. He held him in the air while pointing at his brother, and walked with him on his shoulders to make the tag.
Kidd and Cesaro are highly impressive, employing quick tags and ingenious double team maneuvers. They’re both upper mid card talents just on the verge of breaking through to the next level. Everything they do between the ropes has meaning, as neither man wants to be stuck on the mid card forever. Los Matadores come back with high flying innovative offense, and double team Cesaro behind the referee’s back while shoving Tyson out of the match. But if Los Matadores are willing to fight dirty, then so are the world tag team champions. Cesaro grabbed a handful of tights and rolled an unnamed member of Los Matadores up for the pin—earning his team another victory.
The tag match ended about six minutes before the show closed, and rather than finishing Superstars with a SUPERSTARS’ main event, they ended the night with another set of clips from Raw, highlighting the rivalry between Randy Orton and Seth Rollins.
I thought this was a pretty decent episode of WWE television considering I don’t watch a ton of Superstars or Main Event. Both matches on the show were very good, and the clips they decided to play were at least entertaining. The final vignette of the evening—which told the story of the world title picture—was very well constructed with clever little music cues. I think I might have even heard a dentist’s drill during some of the shots of Kane. All-in-all, a quality 45 minutes of WWE Programming. It’s far easier to sit through Superstars than it is to trudge through Raw, and I still saw the highlights from Monday Night. My name is Mark Adam Haggerty and I’ll be back with you next week for another edition of “Superstars: Really, It’s Still Around,” right here at www.Cheap-Heat.com
