Shout out to Cheap Heat section.
No time for chit chat. John Cena is coming out and Hell in a Cell has already started!
U.S Open Challenge for United States Championship
John Cena (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio
- John Cena calls out the opponent and Zeb f’n Colter comes out first… what?
- Alberto comes out after Zeb says it’s time for someone to beat you and do more with that title than you ever will. This is crazy.
- It kinda feels as if though he never left. When did he leave?
- Did that racist guy know about it?
- This is a good opponent to lose the title to. The sad thing is the U.S. open is gonna end.
- “si” and “welcome back chants”
- Alberto does a leg kick to Cena and it gave John a charlie horse, he is limping around the ring now.
- When ever Alberto does that slide over the second rope when someone is draped on it, always makes me think Del Rio will mess his legs up.
- Colter is in a scooter cause he is still nursing his injury
- John was on the top rope and Del Rio ran up to the top rope and kicked Cena in the head with an enziguri. Cena is limping still too.
- Del Rio hits his arm for “Si” chants to hit a cross armbreaker. Cena ran at him to stop Alberto. Colter looks on but stays quiet.
- We get a boo/yay spot that turns into Cena’s Five Moves of Doom. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle the first try. Smart by Del Rio cause he should know Cena is relentless until he hits that punch
- Del Rio reverses the Attitude Adjustment into the backstabber and kicks Cena in the head for a surprise victory
And I’m Like… Surprised it ended that fast but not surprised Cena lost. Can’t believe ADR is back, Jerry Lawler says “Even Ripley couldn’t believe that.” Now that Del Rio has the belt, he needs to treat it like Cena did, because that’s how prestige is put on a title.
The Authority says “that’s how you start Hell in a Cell.” Seth Rollins says that was a moment! We now have Kane and Rollins in the same room and they are having sitcom dialog. Perfect for a title match build up.
Now the Cell is dropping down with the lowering the cage music.
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
- I still can’t believe this whole thing hinged on the fact that Bray interfered in a No-DQ Multi-Man ladder match and cost Roman the Money In The Bank breifcase. Then they go into the ‘anyone but you’ storyline, kind of skimming over the Roman’s daughter part. I feel like Jimmy Jacobs wrote this out. Rumor has it he was on a mental high and told the Young Bucks he will write some storylines and get hired by WWE. He ended up fulfilling his prophecy, I feel like this was one of those storylines.
- Bray has an amazing entrance still. Roman not so much.
- Bray is number 34, Roman 35, counting the number of men that have had Hell in a Cell matches. For this to be almost 20 years old, I feel like that number is high.
- This starts off as a fist fight.
- JBL says that if you feud with Bray Wyatt he engulfs everything about you. Saying Roman Reigns had won the Rumble and almost won Money in the Bank, he was a title contender. Until getting into this with Wyatt, now he is only focused on Bray. Does that mean if he wins, Reigns is Seth’s next feud?
- They are kicking each others ASS! Wyatt is breaking a kendo stick over Reigns and Reigns is audibly saying “oh shit”
- I was just thinking, in NXT, Wyatt said he was gonna tear the system down. Also when the Shield debuted they were found out to be HHH’s guys, either behind the scenes or on camera kinda. WE knew those were HHH’s pet projects or ‘sons’. The whole time or damn near the whole time Bray has been here he either feuded with Kane, Cena, or members of The Shield. The Authority consists of Rollins and Kane, Cena is The Face that Runs the Place. Is HHH just keeping Wyatt mentally busy with his pawns so Wyatt won’t tear the system down? That would be an amazing 5 year story.
- Wyatt puts the chair into the Cell in an innovative way, almost like the chair is sitting on the wall of the cage. The crowd responds with “ooooh” and Wyatt smiles, just getting a reaction from a set piece. King says Bray has a perverted mind lolol.
- Wyatt gets thrown into the chair and Reigns grabs two kendo sticks and GOES TO TOWN on Bray.
- As Reigns takes out a table and puts it in the ring, he cracks a smile and says “we are gonna need two tables.”
- I am uncomfortable with calling Reigns apron dropkick a “drive-by” if we can’t give Seth the “curb stomp” at least don’t call Reigns dropkick a “drive-by”
- Bray does a Rock Bottom type slam threw a table to the outside, Crowd does “holy shit” and I am realizing how sensitized we are to hardcore matches now.
- Wyatt just screams at Roman to “Get Up” and to “Fight Me”
- LEGIT “LET’s GO ROMAN/ROMAN SUCKS” with all the right tones saying the right parts. He is rising to Cena levels, slowly but surely.
- Bray pulls a table out of the ring and My Wife says “whenever they pull out a weapon, it’s used on them.”
- Wyatt tries to superplex Roman threw the table but Roman counters into a powerbomb for a nearfall.
- Roman is hurt and looks like he is gonna throw up, It looks like good selling or a hernia again.
- Roman runs at full speed so no hernia, he goes for a spear but Wyatt catches him into the Sister Abigal, Roman reverses it into a school boy, Wyatt kicks out and gets hit with a Superman Punch for two.
- They are fighting towards the table on the apron, the camera guy thought the spear was gonna happen so followed no one and stopped at the table, focused back on Roman and Wyatt to catch the actual Spear, took me out of that moment.
- Roman’s spine protector armadillo thing should be illegal if wrestling was real right? Back padding? That should become at least a conversation piece in some feud.
- Reigns kicked out of Sister Abigail because it took too long to pin Bray after the Spear threw the table.
- Wyatt set up the kendo stick in the corner like he used to do against Dean Ambrose. Bray ends up getting it used against him and hits a Spear for the W.
And I’m Like… That was one solid match, I did veer off for a bit and look up Sailmakers Palm because Bray Wyatt’s glove brought up a conversation earlier in the year. He either is detailed with his Buyou character or paying homage to Blackjack Mulligan or both. What happens next will be interesting because Cole said “Roman lifted the curse of Wyatt.”
Get a preview for Survior Series “25 years of Undertaker”
Tag Team Championship Match
New Day (c) vs. Dudley Boyz
- New Day thanks us for our support. Xavier Woods seem to be injured. We need to take our pointer finger or “unicorn horns” put them on our “unicorn heads” for Xavier Woods. There is a broken trombone. See we are all unicorns cause we bring magic to everything!
- Big E doesn’t know what to call trombone players.. “tromboners? trombonists?” They said that because Xavier is hurt the whole orchestra is up in arms. They will play bongos on Devon’s head and play Bubba’s belly like a white Kamala.
- Quick confession, I spent most of the time at the grocery store yesterday, clapping like New Day and saying “New DayRocks.” Nobody acknowledged like they knew what I was talking about.. but one day!! one day you guys!
- Kofi and Big E have XW black armbands. Now I’m like worried he isn’t apart of New Day or will be gone for a while or something.
- The Dudleyz screwed up some move that no one knew what it was. The crowd boo’s and JBL calls it “bowling shoe ugly”
- Big E did his hip dance and wiped his butt hahaha
- New Day hits their rotating kicks move. Kofi slow Big E dances and Big E does the normal version. Kofi does a unicorn pose. You know they invented a new thing in wrestling just now. Everyone be unicornin’ soon!
- Ever since Big E almost broke Bubba in half with that apron splash, he moved the big splash back to the center of the ring.
- “New DayRocks” chant. Big E laughed and tagged Kofi saying “let’s do that thing” they go for Whassssupp, it don’t work though.
- Bubba gets the hot tag and his sequence ended with The Dudleys doing Whhaassssuuppp and Bubba doing Big E’s dance.
- Kofi pulls an “Eddie Guerrero” and threw a trombone at Bubba and fell over like he got hit in the head. Kofi gets hit with a reverse 3D after the ref didn’t buy the trombone trick.
- Dudleyz go for 3D but Big E used the trombone on Bubba, and Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise.
And I’m Like… The match was good, Unicorns is a thing. Except Bubba and Devon felt very very off tonight. I hope that’s the end of the feud. Unless Spike shows up.
WWE Diva’s Championship
Nikki Bella vs. Charlotte (c)
- Ok you know how WWE is good at video packages? They aren’t for this Diva’s match. The music choices at certain times really shat on us like we were Adam Rose.
- So as Nikki comes out, my network freezes, it comes back with Charlotte in the crowd and then Nikki set Charlotte up and did a pretty cool kick. These girls are really pulling no punches.
- If I was Nikki I would watch all those NXT woman’s matches as inspiration of what a singles match can be on a WWE stage.
- Charlotte flips out of a rebound suplex and it legit impresses Jerry Lawler. For real that is one of the things I love so much, when wrestlers impress the announcers enough they can’t mask their voice.
- The storyline is that Nikki is working on Charlotte’s back, that way when Charlotte goes for the Figure 8 she won’t be as effective. Charlotte’s selling still makes me uncomfortable with her Ah-HA-Ah-ah noises.
- Nikki is so creative in her offense on Charlotte’s back. She also is wearing the most wrestling looking gear she has ever worn.
- Charlotte goes for a suplex but her back gave out. Nikki is Vicious
- Nikki tells Charlotte she can’t be champion and slaps her, that wakes Charlotte up.
- She starts chopping like crazy, these girls are potatoing each other like crazy.
- Charlotte is bleeding from the damn nose. She does a great neck breaker. How can it be that on the Hell in a Cell pay per view, THE WOMAN’S match is where there is blood. The non-Cell match.
- Charlotte goes for a Sasha Banks like counter but they botch it. It looked nuts, Charlotte hits the spear, goes for Figure 8 but couldn’t bridge so Nikki reversed the move and grabbed the rope. This match is great but c’mon Nikki, if you reverse the Figure 4 you reverse the pressure. You broke up your own submission.
- Nikki did an Alabama Slam onto the apron and HOLY SHIT!! This match feels so damn dangerous.
- Charlotte reversed the Rack Attack into the Figure 8, sloppy Figure 8 for the win.
And I’m Like… That match was sweet, best Diva’s match in a long time. The finish was sloppy but it made sense cause of all the big moves. Paige and Becky run down to congratulate Charlotte and why is Paige running down there? Charlotte does the “4” hand gesture to someone in the crowd too. For real, that match was impressive as hell. Dumbledore Claps.
Dean Ambrose congratulates Roman Reigns on his win, Roman is sore as hell. They keep saying “you finished it” so that means that feud is done.
WWE Championship Match
Seth Rollins (c) vs. Kane
- Seth Rollins, The Man, having a match at 8:30, mid-card. That’s how you do a proper championship feud amirite? Have the story be about schizophrenic middle management types. Kane doesn’t even want the title, he just doesn’t like how Seth bullies the Corporate side of him. So the Demon side has to beat him up.
- 210th day of Seth Rollins World Championship Reign moving him to 22 on the all time days as champion list.
- Seth starts the match by telling Kane he is not afraid of him.
- Kane goes for a leg drop but Seth was sitting up so it was a weird drop kick.
- Kane throat thrusts Seth when he was on the top turnbuckle and he fell right to the outside.
- I hope Charlotte and Nikki looked at Kane and Seth and said “follow that”
- Seth does a stunner on the turnbuckle post and Kane starts violently coughing and looking at his hand. Seth does a flip senton to the outside and Rollins leg hits Kane’s neck
- The event feels like the wrestlers are trying way harder than the crowd is cheering. It’s weird, I as a viewer feel like these guys are more aggressive and violent than usual, and we’ve only seen one Hell in a Cell match.
- I wish I enjoyed this match more but it’s more of the same of what we’ve seen over the past month or so.
- I don’t think there are many moves we haven’t seen these guys hit on one another.
- Demon Kane is setting up the announce table, by being nice and taking the monitors out. King says “Kane the Spanish announce tables are right next to us”
- Kane goes for a chokeslam but Rollins reverses it into a powerbomb onto the announce table, it doesn’t break and Kane looks like he hit his tailbone and is hurt. The doctors run over to check on him and he is not moving really. If Rollins injures him too they gotta have a talk with that guy. He is very reckless.
- Kane made it into the ring at 8. Rollins hits a flurrie of knees and kicks, the crowd is so quiet. Rollins hits a frog splash and the crowd goes “ohh” followed by the loudest chant of the match “Eddie, Eddie”
- Seth contemplates a buckle bomb, Kane goes for a chokeslam, Rollins hits the Pedigree. For the win.
- Everyone has lost the second someone hit their finisher once. Which prepares me for kickouts with Lesnar and Taker
And I’m Like… about done with Seth Rollins as this version of a champion. He is a bad guy that wrestles like a good guy. He plays his character well, but that character doesn’t carry himself as a good champion. He also injured Cena and Sting and looked to have hurt Kane, yeesh.
Corey Graves says “Might as well call me the new Director of Operations since Kane is out.” Byron Saxton says :”Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt are done.” Booker T “c’mon we all know its about Alberto Del Rio. No mention of the Woman’s match, that is a shame, that was a the best match of the night so far. Unless the Cesaro/Neville/Ziggler vs. Sheamus/King Barret match was better, crowd sounds like they enjoyed it the most.
Intercontinental Championship Match
The Ryback vs. Kevin Owens (c)
- I think I see a Cheap-Heat sign in the crowd but I can’t tell. My Wife insists it’s there so that is cool.
- The video package to get us invested in this is that Kevin Owens raked Ryback’s eyes and did a school boy for the win. Now they have another match.
- The crowd is eerily quiet, Owens landing from a back body drop, echoed throughout the arena.
- Story of match is Ryback took some Cialis and Flakka and is overpowering Owens. Owens still gets offense in but instantly taunts The Ryback and gets caught in some power move.
- JBL calls Kevin Owens cannonball the Otto Wanz spot. Didn’t realize he was one of the guys to slam Andre The Giant.
- The crowd always wakes up when the ref counts… lol
- Just as the crowd started a boring chant Owens hits the Pop-Up Powerbomb for the win.
And I’m Like… worried that that is my least favorite Kevin Owens match I’ve seen. Granted, the crowd hurts the show, but it just didn’t seem to hit the level of intensity the match was trying to achieve. It’s amazing that the Diva’s match is the hard match to follow. This feels like we are all just waiting for Undertaker and Lesnar. One thing I don’t get is why we get replays of earlier in the night, its a pay-per-view, ain’t nobody switching channels WWE.
As the Hell in the Cell lowers, I feel like I’m oblivious to something. Did Dean Ambrose face the Wyatts? Did the match get cut? Since Roman ended the Wyatt feud is Dean done too? hmm.
Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker
- These guys are going at it.
- The Crowd really wakes up, and I mean Wake Up!
- Undertaker and Brock get to the outside and Undertaker pulls Brock into the post of the turnbuckle and it cuts Brock open bad.
- Brock swings a chair and it hits Undertaker in the chin.
- Both guys are bleeding now, this is nuts.
- I wish I could describe this match more, I hit Save Draft and it deleted half this match,
- Undertaker drops Lesnar’s neck across the chair.
- Without the need for many weapons this match is ruthless.
- Undertaker kicks out of 3 germans and 2 F-5’s
- Lesnar bring the steps in reminds me of No Mercy 2002
- This is a battle for legacy, and Undertaker gets Lesnar in Hell’s Gate
- Lesnar loses it and throws punch after punch after punch to Undertakers face.
- The doctor keeps coming in to look at these guys cuts, but it kills the match, Lesnar knows this and disposes of the doctor.
- After punching the shit out of Undertaker. Brock takes the ring apart, removes the apron and the padding.
- Undertaker chokeslams Brock on the Wood. PAINFUL.
- This match really needs to be seen, these guys deserve it.
- Lesnar kicks out of a tombstone on the wood.
- A huge low blow by Lesnar and an F-5 for the win.
And I’m Like… I was watching this live, and typing, I got to caught up in it and forgot to Save Draft for this final match, I’m a little upset but watched it again, I got to go to bed cause I have to be up in 4 hours but it was worth it. The Undertaker gets Thank You Taker chants.
The Wyatts show up and beat up Undertaker, They carry him out like they were the Corporate Ministry or something. What a match though. Simply Amazing.
Have a good one and thank you for reading,
Share and like if you can please. Thank you
-Jake